Monday, December 23, 2013

trading places


TRADING PLACES

Well, this is what its all come down to on a sunshiny Monday.  A mediocre idea barely pried from my butt in time for publication.  I could write one of those irritating “what I had for dinner last night” articles, just to stir up the pot, but I had a revolting combination of coos-coos and cream of chicken soup ( it works much better with potatoes either fried or mashed ) so you don’t want to hear about what I barely choked down ( and no, I won’t include the zinger ‘that’s what she said’ ).  I had also done the monthly car rental this weekend, bad timing with the crowds but we had little choice because of the weather, but you don’t want to hear about how 10% of the budget went to coffee and the other ten to flour and buckets ( Wally actually wasn’t out of anything I wanted, and even had the ammo shelf stocked, although not with what I wanted alas ) and other than that an uneventful trip.  So, what you are going to hear about is an oldie and moldy I’m presenting as something fresh and exciting to confuse you newish minions, the news is always worse when you don’t hear anything.

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The door to the food bank office is half covered with cartoons.  One is of two army dudes talking about the timeline for leaving Afghanistan.  One quips, “when the exit strategy is translated from the original Russian”.  I love that one.  All the others are of an economic collapse nature, all of which I clipped my first year here.  There have been little to none after that, almost as if an executive order had been handed down prohibiting humor at The Dark Princes expense.  At the same time that the cartoons were appearing, NPR radio had suspended classical music and was inundating its listeners with economic news of a dire nature.  Suddenly, that all stopped.  That one was easier to figure out, as the mother corporation had gone hat in hand to DC for bail out money ( and by the way, for all you Ford fans out there, all three auto makers had begged for bail out money.  For some reason Ford never got any.  They don’t have clean hands, if intentions count for anything ). 

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All media suddenly started towing the party line and quickly started singing hymns of  a far more upbeat nature.  Then, there isn’t even happy angles of bad news, but blatantly untruths being reported as news.  And now, even most bald faced lies are being unreported, with mostly silence on all but the most mundane.  Remember “Trading Places”?  The orange commodity report part?  Nowadays, if our hilarious characters got hold of the report for a heads up on the market reaction, it would be all lies based on government wishful thinking, and the market would do whatever the Plunge Protection Team told it to.  Just like in Soviet Russia when manufacturing reports were what were expected, not what reality dictated.  The happier the news, or the less news you hear at all, the more paranoid you should be.  You can’t trust a thing you hear, and you need to know what you don’t hear is even worse.

END

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11 comments:

  1. Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year LB. Take care of your hair and don't work too hard.

    bigunsfan

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! Tomorrows article will be "happy festivus", my annual tirade against all that is christmas. Hopefully I'll have a new angle this year.

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  2. Have a Merry Christmas!!!!!! Maybe you will get new wool socks and a blowjob! Instead of gloves and a hand job.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Likely just wind up giving yourself a hand job while wearing the gloves.

      Kinda like strange stuff though.... no?

      Hope the gloves aren't leather palm type.

      Delete
  3. Hey Mr. rEtArD:
    Have a wonderful chrismas and hopefully your medications will work.
    Don't forget to sign up for Obamacare and take advantage of the program to get mentally healthy.

    Later Psycho.

    Dr. shitfinger.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Merry Christmas!

    Look at old newspapers printed during the great depression. It's almost impossible to tell there was a depression going on from the papers. Bad for business and sells no ads.

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    Replies
    1. Forbes and The Economist are about the same way

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  5. Could you see fit to give your loyal minions a Christmas present in the form of another chapter or two of Loco Gringos? We've been good this year. Honest!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. soon, promise. Just not in time for all my good little minions to enjoy during the holidays

      Delete