Monday, November 11, 2013

carl movie review

CARL MOVIE REVIEW

Oh Sweet Lord Baby Jesus! I just had the misfortune to be subjected to the showing of the movie “No Blade Of Grass”. A part of my soul died and I still wish I could claw my eyes out and perform a frontal lobotomy with a rusted railway spike. The book, easily one of the Top Five Post-Apocalypse Novels Of All Time, was barely a consideration in this movie outside the title and a few key plot points. Whereas the book is timeless, a well written comminatory on human nature, the movie is a ghastly shipwreck for the ’60’s. It did NOT age well at all- a feeble alchemists trick attempting to turn vinegar into wine over time. The movie is a perverted parlor trick of entertainment, comprised of a propagandist screed against industrialism in which a future Al “I invented the Internet” Gore would later copy rallying against pollution. The slow to dissolve shots of effluent being discharged in to the waterways was easily the second most irritating aspects of this colossal turd, outside of the opening caterwauling from a hippie high on controlled substances which passed as music or singing or something apropos to the beginning.

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This fecalfest reminded me of a video version of a radio shock jock, doing stupid stunts meant to amuse by their uniqueness in mining the depths of depravity. Why else did the movie invent a scene no where in the book involving a childbirth? I imaging at the time, the head crowning from a women’s vagina was considered something new and exciting. I just thought it was a slimy mess I’d rather not see up close, akin to camera shots six inches away from projectile vomiting ( to stem the tide of FemiNazi criticism [ in other words, more caterwauling ] I’ll hasten to add the birth of my children was a wonderful thing and all the body fluids that were part of that. Anybody else’s genitalia is gross however ). The rebelling military shooting their officer was obviously a commentary on recent “fragging’s” in Vietnam. Perhaps that was shocking in 1970, but today just seems like a great idea ( especially if you’ve ever had the misfortune to serve in the military under any of these budding Napoleons ). Any close examination of military history would provide enough casualties caused by officer ineptitude to fill Arlington many times over. Perhaps back then it was all part of the American public waking up to their once free Republic rearing an ugly imperialist head. Even more aged was the long drawn out scene also missing from the book of an attack by a motorcycle gang, playing on the publics fear of Hell’s Angels criminals and what not. Which today would be akin to showing Black ghetto gangs terrorizing Honkies ( well, it would be if we weren’t so politically correct ). It was a dated parody, made comical by the brightly colored helmets spouting horns and the combat tactics mimicking the Three Stooges ( as opposed to “Mad Max” which is timeless due to much better directing and acting and the avoidance of period pieces outside some poofy girls hair ).

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The book showed how normal people acting rationally quite easily turn barbaric. The movie immediately degenerated into the typical white/black hat of good and evil and didn’t even try to show the human condition as the book did. So awful I would not recommend watching it if it was free, for your lost time is irreplaceable. I certainly wouldn’t recommend spending almost $20 on it after shipping as I did.

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12 comments:

  1. Your more the man than I am, James.

    I saw this on the SyFy channel once.

    Didn't last 15 minutes.

    MICoyote

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  2. The only good thing was, it didn't get any worse after the first fifteen minutes.

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  3. read the story long time ago, good read.
    found it on the net and downloaded it. Somewhere on a thumb drive
    now. Glad you reviewed the movie before I looked for it on tv.
    Sad another good story got hollywoodized.
    Selene

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    Replies
    1. Costner improved a book by turning it to a movie. And, A Boy And His Dog almost got there. It can be done, few seem to want to. Just more corporate short term thinking.

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  4. Lord Bison of the Great Basin and King of Coiffure;

    This film reminded me of the horrible ecological-science fiction film "Deadly Harvest" from Canada. Filmed in 1977, the film is absolutely one of the worst disaster/survivalist films ever made. It's only redeeming quality is the no-holds barred violence in the second half of the film when urban marauders bust into a wedding between the star's daughter (the so-called star being Clint Walker and his daughter being a very young Kim Cattrall before her rise to stardom in Porky's) and some rich stockbroker's son; complete mayhem ensues with M-16's on full automatic ventilating practicably everyone present. Anyway what a stinker of a film, just like the British film of No Blade of Grass. Needless to say, most of the older post-apocalypse films are just dated and completely unrealistic, unlike the excellent George Miller's Mad Max trilogy, which completely rocks. Keep keeping it real James!.

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    1. I actually loved Deadly Harvest- seen it twice. The eco stuff wasn't really overdone. The evil conspiracy aspect overshadowed it. If you allow for low budget, it seemed to age well to me. I liked that the shotguns and bolts defeated the semis ( they actually show tactics winning over spray and pray ). Not sure if I included this one in my movie review book. On Mad Max, I still prefer Road Warrior as pure post-apoc. The first one wasn't really, the third just carricature.

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  5. Another classic turned movie, Malevil, didn't fare much better.

    http://articles.philly.com/1986-01-28/entertainment/26054063_1_radiation-new-street-light-police-state

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    Replies
    1. I never could get into the book. Still have a copy- one of these days I'll try again

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  6. OK... so the movie was shit, but the book IS excellent. (just like I told you)

    Now let's see if you can offer your readers some useful observation from the book???

    You Know Who

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    1. I need to review the book, if nothing else so I can flesh out my Top 20 list. As with all things writing anymore, One Of These Days

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  7. Ahh, the seventies. Golden age of really crappy Apocalyptic movies. The best Cornell Wilde movie is "Naked Prey". Not the cheapest DVD you can buy, but a damned good movie for Rambo BOB enthusiasts. Good as in This Shit Hurts.
    Sorry, haven't had any sleep in the last 38 hours. Life Sucks!

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    Replies
    1. Get some sleep. You won't get any when it is time to run from the stew pot.

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