Thursday, October 3, 2013

article one of two


OLD FART PREPS

I make fun of old bastards.  A lot.  Of course, they only have themselves to blame-but being the magnanimous sort of fellow I am, I also make fun of other demographics, ethnic groups and foreigners to balance the scales.  Now, seeing as how I myself am but a decade to a decade and a half away from Old Humpness ( two decades on the outside, assuming I stay in splendid shape ), also assuming the vicious twat King Skittles doesn’t make it mandatory under pain of Gitmo to take a flu shot ( which I’m about 97.53% convinced will contain a man- made virus I don’t want in my body, what with resource contraction/overpopulation being what they are, and me a useless eater and all ), and obviously assuming the collapse hasn’t yet happened ( which is a pretty long shot ), it simply behooves me to plan on being gimp, lame and weak myself.  So, how does the Depends Generation prep?  Basically as if they were little girls with polio.

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When I think of old’uns, I think of the 1970’s and the news reports about Seniors eating canned cat food ( I mean, duh, right?  Their dentures can’t handle the dry food ) to survive.  When it comes to victim economic redistribution tactics, the old dudes led the way.  Give us more, jack up Jim’s taxes to give me more.  Not that I’m bitter.  But what you need to think of when you consider old fart preps is a commercial and an appliance.  “Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!”.  That commercial is back, God help us.  Also, the electric can opener.  That arthritis is a bitch, so don’t store canned goods if you can’t open the damn things.  Old dudes break hips walking on them, and they have about zero muscle use.  I’m not hating on them for being useless.  Society chose to keep them around past expiration dates, so who am I to argue.  We just have to agree that they can’t do what they used to do.  All those preps you made of 30 gallon drums of wheat and 30-06 Garand rifles?  Worthless.  You’ll need to downsize.  A lower power weapon, much smaller food containers, transportation that won’t explode your heart.

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You can buy #10 cans of wheat online:


They are currently $31 a case of six ( compared to $42 at Emergency Essentials- but those are good folks for pails for younger shoppers ).  Get yourself not the Corona, best grinder ever, but the square-ish one ( also at beprepared.com ) that is about $60.  Buy plenty of replacement plastic washers.  This is the best for grinding for weaker bodies.  If you are poor and have an old brute of a war surplus bolt action, get an insert for it to fire a carbine or pistol round.  Or, if you can afford it, a 20 gauge shotgun.  The ammo is cheap now, only double the cost of a rimfire.  And it doesn’t kick much.  Use 38’s in your 357.  Retire your bicycle and buy a trike.  They are more expensive, but elder friendly and can haul lots of cargo.  If you want to electrify it:


Ideally, you can retire the car ( you can’t see to drive anyway ) and go all e-trike.  The kit and then the battery aren’t really all that expensive.  Cheaper than a year’s insurance for the car.  The saving can buy preps.  Old fart preps.

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2 comments:

  1. Ain't quite there yet sonny boy heh

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  2. Food grinders. As we age, our teeth begin to disappear and after the SHTF, dentistry will become a hit or miss proposition. Even in good times, our teeth begin to fall out or must be pulled out.

    So a food grinder would become essential for many in my opinion. I even saw a modification where a hose bibb 'T' handle had been installed for a more compact unit. The question in my mind was would you be able to turn it ? Still - thought.

    Wraps. The aged become much more sensitive to cold So insulated ''poncho' liners 'for mobility' or wool blanket cut with neck hold for this will become necessary.

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