Friday, August 16, 2013

hit the road jack


HIT THE ROAD JACK

I’d like to thank all assorted minions for this day’s gem of an idea.  Hitting the road, or migrating.  Now, I’m not talking about bugging out, as in a better place to go to avoid teaming masses of asshattery.  I’m talking about living in an area that becomes so totally humped that the entire population gets the hell out of dodge.  Such as when once fertile farmland turns to desert and there is no choice.  If you don’t try to find greener pastures you die.  Bugging out is knowing where you will go ( retreat ) and why ( urban area doomed ).  Migrations are unplanned with no destination.  A good example of this is going to be most of the southwest when there is longer the means to pump water ( or, the snowpack disappears for too many years ).  But when we get into such things as Super Duper Volcanic Eruptions ( remember and never forget, 25-75% odds of occurring in your pathetic lifetime ), you are going to run into the need to migrate even from an otherwise desirable area.  And it doesn’t even have to come from Nature.  Man is more than happy to start wars of ethnic cleansing to jump-start migrations.  Now, the thing about migrations is, you ain’t looking at hopping on an airplane.  There will be no rail service out of the area.  Road surfaces will be destroyed or blocked.  You are going shoe leather express.

*

Americans inherited Baby Jesus’ once in a species event of a gushing waterfall of surplus energy.  We squandered it as fast as we could, and in the process we became insanely delusional as to the availability of this resource, going to very embarrassing lengths to convince ourselves the bounty would never end ( if any minion brings up Frack Oil, I shall be forced to cancel your Loyal Minion status, demand the return of the Secret Decoder Ring, and fine you twenty seven Bison Bucks ).  We think our demigods, our motor vehicles, are our freedom and our purpose for being.  They are going to be your traps come migration time.  There is a special federal government agency tasked with nothing more than locking you in place, prohibiting your exit from danger areas.  And unlike most Keystone Kop agencies, they can be successful because of the limited number of roads/rails/ports they can control.  Your only escape will be on foot.  So please dispense with all the Okkie Migration fantasies.  I understand most post-apocalypse fantasy stroke rags depend on the standard plot device of 99.9% population die-off and unconstrained shopping thereafter by our Special Forces Super Hero.  But even baring the existence of the TSA, you still have to deal with the nasty messy reality of Too Many Other People Spoiling Your Carefully Laid Plans.  But even THEN, even if you are not robbed or eaten as you migrate, you still will not make it.  Someone at the other end of your path will object to dying so you can live. 

*

Those that migrate will face an almost guaranteed death.  There will be no distant paradise NOT already inhabited, and the nature of the die-off is that the Too Much Overpopulation has run squarely into the Not Enough Resources.  Let me put this as plainly as can be so you understand me.  Those that migrate are self-propelled meat-on-the-hoof.  You are delivering yourself to a strangers stew pot.  During a famine, there is NO charity.  If I were a deity and some stupid sum-bitch thought starving his kid was okay as long as he fed a stranger in need, I’d smite that fool to the lowest bowel of hell.  You WILL be eaten.  What you need to do is think outside the Hive Mind.  We all have Monkey Minds.  You can’t escape it.  The Group is life.  Stay grouped, do not Lone Wolf.  And when the natural inclination is to escape and migrate, a strategy that is age old and used to work when the entire globe wasn’t arsehole to elbow, you tend to want to join the group.  Because if you stay, there won’t be any more or less resources ( you have ZERO ), but there surely won’t be a group.  So you stay with the Hive.  Wrong answer.  Let the Hive wander away to certain death.  Stay with your much smaller new and improved tribe.  But you had better have that seven years’ worth of food for everybody.  Look, we all acknowledge that we have to stock the crap out of ammo because once it is gone we won’t even see any again.  It is an Industrial Age product and we have no choice but to over-pay and over-stock and husband the supply.  Once gone, Bad Things Happen.  You need to look at grain as the same.  It is only affordable because of the Industrial Age.  If you stock enough, you don’t need to migrate to your death.

*

Twelve thousand years ago, give or take the extinction time of Neanderthals or what have you, something happened.  Call it a super volcano erupting or an asteroid hitting.  Large yummy animals all went extinct ( yes, it could have just been too many people hunting too few herds following a few years of drought.  No one knows for sure.  Comrade Ol Remus covered one possibility this week about ice core samples.  Check it out ).  And mankind went Agricultural Age.  More is the pity because we went from independent money tribes to Planet Of The Apes centralized, ruled, enslaved giant size tribes.  We aren’t meant to be farmers, evolutionarily speaking.  We are nomadic meat hunters.  But once the herds are gone and the population of monkey’s got too high, we were locked in.  So stock your wheat and get over its inadequacy.  Otherwise your only choice becomes nomadic cannibalism.  Because whether man made global poisoning/mining of all fertile soil, or a soon to blow super volcano, or just running out of enough oil to feed the three thousand mile away city, we are all going to be forced to migrate to survive a denuded area.  You can be the one in ten million and plan ahead for this easy and cheaply.

END

14 comments:

  1. Lord Bison of the Great Basin and King of Coiffure;

    Great food for thought today, something that can be digested over the entire weekend and a somewhat intelligent response could be generated sometime Sunday for publishing Monday morning. However since the wheels have been turning since this morning about this subject brought about by watching the television program by the Libertarian Comedian Joe Rogan. On his television program he profiled a facility in Kansas called Vivos, which is headed by a former real estate developer; Robert Vicino. The point of the facility is for people with money to ride out the apocalypse in their RV's located in this place called the Atchison Storage Facility (ASF). A former limestone mine used to produce riprap a building material used in erosion control, during WWII the fedgov leased it for the then whopping sum of $20K a year. During the Cold War, fedgov took over the facility to store machine tools to manufacture products in the event of a nuclear war and the fedgov stored other items such as food at the facility. This was being done up until the spring of 2013, when the facility was auctioned off for the low, low price of $510,001.00 to a Springfield, Missouri businessman, Coby Cullins, who in turn contracted Vicino, who started using the ASF for his so-called survival shelter/resort. Needless to say, that these people genuinely believe that they can ride out the apocalypse in their shelter without the possibility of once it's over that there will be a very large mob of cannibals on the surface waiting them to emerge. This is where your migrating mobs theory comes in. Imagine if you will large herds (or hordes) of cannibals roaming the land of the now ruined North America, locating these shelters and awaiting the elites resurfacing. I reckon that a fella could make a little coin doing the research locating all these properties and selling a book, (or in your case) a kindle edition of all North American shelters where the cannibal savvy could simply await their prize? If the situation wasn't so dire in its scope, this would make a downright funny back comedy, starring a ensemble cast of Hollyweird's worst drug addict comedic stars. Keep keeping it real James!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, the book would be funny. Not least because there would be so few facilities ( the market for really rich survivalists has got to be as small as lipped chickens ) that the cannibals would die as quick as the retreaters. Ecveryone dead! My kind of movie ending.

      Delete
  2. Huh, good ideas, sort of, but not enough depth.
    The migration plan could be something like - stock enough food for your tribe for X# of years-If you are lucky it will last half that time.
    Then since the rest of the horde has moved on you then should procede to follow them at a distance and off to the side of the main path taken (by a long ways - enough that you dont run into the horde if they have run up against something they cant get through, or the thing they ran up against, but close enough they have mostly cleared the way). Dont expect to carrry a lot of food or water so bring what you need to collect that yourselves.
    OR
    go off at right angles from where the horde is heading when they head off. They will after all denude the landscape, and be seen as a major threat. Take LA basin for an example. most people will leave via the roads to the North, South, or East, all of wich narrow to easily blocked passes. Heading out in a small vessel hugging the coast at night will allow the survival minded 'angelo' to bypass the horde and its roadblocks. Small enouth and stealthy enough might be able to get past the coast patrols as well, and by keeping it small you could also portage it up likely rivers and streams and hide during the daylight. A small and determined group could use this technique to get to a better place. Of course they would have to practice it first- how much can a sea going kyake or windboard carry? how far, in how long? Etc.

    If you are inland, take a look at the major roads streams etc, and which ways which events will take the majority of the horde (they wont be stupid though) and think of other directions to take that could lead you both away from the crowd and to a better place. Then determine how to get to that place 3 other ways, and preposition supplies or at least plan places to stop and take an advantage of (streams with water to fill up at, good camp sites, etc).

    And dont be surprise to find the good spots already occupied.

    And in addition to alternate routes figure out alternate transport- bikes on and off road, cars, trucks, horses, wheelbarows, boats, trains, planes, motorcycles- anything you might be able to get your hands on.

    Finally as finely folicaled lord bison stated- _shoe leather_ ! Eventually no matter how many or how successful your alternate transportation is- you WILL be using it. Get good boots, socks, and rugged clothes for the whole tribe NOW- and duplicates to USE now while you practive for the migration via 'hiking'.

    -Grey

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, in my defense, I wasn't really trying to teach smarter egress. But I do like your ideas.

      Delete
  3. I have a question about your recommended 'size of the tribe'. Assuming we break from the hive in time, how many of us should there be? We want to keep a low profile while trudging through the wasteland, yet we need enough fighters and breeders to see us through it. 6 members? 10 members? 15 members?

    What is the ideal size of the nomadic wandering tribe? We want our migration to be as productive as possible.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ideal size is what the land supports. I know that sounds sarcastic. But while a lot of breeders and farmers assures eventually success, if you can't feed them they also assure your demise. There is no correct answer to that. Age old conundrum since the first irrigated city.

      Delete
    2. This reminds me of an article I read on nomadic hunter/gatherer tribes. The Ones Who Know stated that the optimal size of a tribe was 25. The question that pops up first is - What's the male to female ratio?
      I'll leave the rest of this thought experiment to you.

      Delete
    3. #25 is the only female past breeding age they keep around to cast voodoo spells.

      Delete
  4. Remember when they re-made "War of the Worlds"?

    Remember the mass migration and the dumb ass that Tom Cruise plays is driving the ONLY vehicle thru the mob migration?

    How about "The Road"? always on foot, raggedy, dirty, cold, fearful and hungry?

    A thoughtful post Jim.

    How about some thoughts on whether it would be better to be at the front, in the middle of, or at the end of a migrating horde?

    You Know Who

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, kind of my whole point was to NOT migrate. That said, be last. The front absorbed the bullets. You can't get any supplies, even being first as the locals took them before you took the first step. They are your "point" patrol. Unlike a patrol, the last migratings won't be ambushed.

      Delete
  5. That could very well be the scenario in the desert-like regions of country which have very limited surface water available (applies to many cities as well). If it does come to migrations, gonna suck like a mofo if it occurs during the summer . . .

    That might be a good topic to discuss, URBAN survival, as in sheltering in place in the city. For those who have no option to get out, just suck it up where they live.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good idea. Despite all post-apoc lit ( sniker-lit. ) to the contrary, I can't see gangs lasting very long in cities. The morons will stay and fight and die, the smart ones off to the farms to be crowned rulers. Unless you have a growing climate like in Dies The Fire on the coast, then the city gets used as a building material depot. Hmmm. I'll think on this for an article-thanks!

      Delete
  6. I think the word you need is "refugees" not migrants. Migrants almost always are planned and usually are following a small lead group that has gone before them. Refugees flee disasters and fit your description.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was thinking more of 'mass migrations" as in displaced African communities and what not. Were Okkies refugees or migrants? Did they flee towards the rumor of work, or concrete jobs? They stay until until starve, then flee. It might not have worked out for them at their final destination.

      Delete