FIFTY BUCK BED
I don’t often cover such things as couponing or making paper from dryer lint. Coupons inevitably are brand name bullspit items. Why would I buy $8 Tide laundry soap, $3 off making it $5, when I can still buy $1 laundry soap at Dollar Tree ( my laundry soap cost is actually only about two bits a month, even using double the suggested amount )? And dryer lint belongs with your flint for fire making. Back To School sales are having 17 cent notebooks for super cheap paper ( I only buy my paper on these sales ). I just bought a $5 four gig flash drive at Wally as part of that sale ( if it is still going on, check that out ). I am frugal with everything, and the best savings is elimination of as many needs as possible. But some things you need. Like a mattress. The last time I tried living without one was when we were living in Florida and I was forced to rent out all bedrooms to survive financially ( The End Times when I really got humped on child support ). Being that broke, I couldn’t buy a hide-a-bed. We piled blankets on the living room floor as a mattress and rolled them up during the day. It was doable but a literal pain to use. The last time I needed to replace a mattress was last year or the year before. The mattress that originally came with the 1988 travel trailer just wasn’t fit to use anymore. It was a brand name ( the trailer was quality for its day ) but anymore ten years seems to max out a mattress.
The mattress industry long ago consolidated to the point of uselessness ( you buy too many competitors and after a time those acquisition loans eat up all your profits. Then you start hosing your customers on quality ). You used to have double sided mattresses. You wore out one side, permanent gullies carved into the thing by your lard, you flipped it over to get a second life out of it. Not anymore. They eliminated that. And the price of a mattress is insane. If it was quality, that would be one thing. But just like American cars, you get far less quality for a crap pot more money. I wasn’t going to crap out three or four hundred bucks. That is quality bicycle money, it shouldn’t be a slab of spring foam money. I tried used ones, being very careful of stains and bedbug spore. But as soon as I got them home ( which isn’t easy in my case ), a few weeks later what felt okay at the thrift store turned into discomfort as the initial gullies reappeared. I got lucky in that one of my used trailers still had the original foam mattress. Now THAT is comfortable. And a lot older than you would think possible ( the cab-over is from the Sixties ). As you don’t have a spare travel trailer, here is what you do. Go to an upholstery shop and ask to buy a slab of squishy foam ( the six inch or so thick polyurethane or polyuriverithane or some such ). Just ask for the thick foam used on car seats or sofas. When I got a quote a few years ago ( I was thinking of gluing slabs to the interior of the Hippy Bread Van for insulation ) it was about $25 a slab. Even if the cost has doubled you get a foam mattress for $50.
Now, this ain’t your typical overpriced tissue-paper thin foam from China-Mart, nor your typical razor thin camping foam pad that while better than nothing still lets you know the location of every pebble. This stuff is thick enough that it supports you. It is a firm mattress. I can’t stand squishy mattresses ( I tried a water bed for a few hours and never touched one again ). And this foam is the most comfortable sleep surface I’ve had for many a year. Plus, it is the cheapest. How can you beat that? It is like the old military surplus rifles. Not only the best quality and design, but the cheapest ( yes, a few very high priced battle rifles are far superior. Try buying two so you have a back-up in case of lose, theft or breakage ). I simply love when your best choice is your cheapest. It makes life worth living. Well, that and books, obviously. And coffee. And boobs. Okay, that should cover it. It’s like The Bison Pit Of Doom. Cheaper than a travel trailer for a cabin size living arrangement and with superior comfort in the weather extremes. Of course, it has issues. What doesn’t? In the summer it is a bit humid. But that humidity is great for the winter. And even though it is a smidge dusty, it is less dusty than above ground where the wind deposits dirt almost around the clock. Anyway, the other great thing about this mattress is, the wife should be okay with it. Put a sheet and some foo-foo frilly stuff around it and who can tell you have a Redneck Mattress? To all her friends, it looks normal. And you know gals like things to look pretty. Thank goodness. It makes their presence more acceptable. Sure, a few drawbacks. To be skinnier they might smoke. Never mind the cancer, they look good now. What gets me is the fake boobs. A tattoo on an eighty year old is going to look gross, wrinkles or not. But full, fully horizontal pointing boobs? Puke! The bitch is one big giant arthritic senile wrinkle, with a set of young boobs. Blech! Well, glad to help you all out. I’ve just given you a better night’s sleep, and with all the money you saved you can buy a year or two worth of wheat. You are welcome! Go buy my crap ( as an aside, I’ve just posted the PEE book for sale on the right side of this page with the other book graphic ads ).
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