Tuesday, June 25, 2013

angry easter islander

ANGRY EASTER ISLANDER

We just reviewed “Going Home” by Angry American, and today we turn to its sequel “Surviving Home”. This was not a bad read and I felt I got my monies worth. It was even an improvement slightly over the first book. However, having said that, I have a lot of issues with the basic theme in the book. In short, the pseudonym should have read “Angry Easter Islander”. Despite the fact that technology dwelt them a body blow, crushed their civilization, no one had any thought other than to continue relying on that technology even as its eminent shortages were clear. Throughout the book everyone kept saying “adapt, things are different now” ( they also kept bitching, seemingly on every page, how cold FLORIDA, MOTHER CRAPPING FLORIDA of all places was oh so bone chillingly cold. How much of an issue firewood was. How do we keep heating when the kerosene runs out? How can I install a wood stove in my bedroom to get even more warmth? How can I possibly survive when the temperatures plunge below sixty? Oh, God, I’m so glad I have my Artic Expedition Cardrit jacket for keeping warm IN FLORIDA!!!!!!! ) but all they really meant was “you need to kill this jag off before he kills you”. Which is sound enough advice. But no one did anything else besides wrestling with themselves intellectually about killing thieves. There was no planting or hunting or building or much of anything else besides riding ATV’s around and eating from dwindling supplies supplemented with the occasional fish.

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The basic civilization killer was a solar flare. Our hero had his all important night vision device in a foil bag so he kept getting to use that. But in the second book, a heck of a lot more stuff seemed to be EMP proof. They could still only drive older cars, but all the Postal vehicles kept working as well as every single military vehicle. I don’t know if every single military vehicle in service is protected ( and knowing how the military works I’d hazard a guess that only the commanding generals mobile headquarters is protected so his air conditioning works ) but I can guess that no Postal Service vehicles are, the WWII era Jeeps long ago replaced with modern vehicles. And I can’t claim to know if ATV’s are EMP proof, if it is just the older ones ( although to me it seems the older ones were three wheels and hence outlawed ) but it seems like our characters group had a crap load of EMP proof ATV’s. They also had access to a butt load of military weapons. So, right there my two main buttons are pushed as far as a post-apocalypse universe, the unending ammunition for semi-autos or squad automatic weapons and the reliance on tooling around in vehicles as if the gas is still being manufactured.

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I don’t know if a third book is coming. If it is I’ll surely pay another $5 for it and enjoy it. But if Angry Islander keeps writing I hope we can veer into more realistic territory. I understand that the timeline for both is only about a month, but even then our hero is almost out of food. Which has included two poached deer and several neighbors pigs and a pond caught fish fry. The stupid twat has almost five thousand rounds of 223 for his Bushmaster but not even enough food to exclusively feed his family with for a month. Even at old ammo prices he spent near three grand for his arsenal ( excluding all but the AR ). A one month supply of flour and rice and cornmeal and beans and lard, even if they were commercial packed ( he was eating canned goods, I’m just using least cost foods ) couldn’t be over $200. A years supply of food that way would be less than the arsenal. But far worse than that was everybody clinging to Old School ways. Instead of scooting back and forth on ATV’s for every conceivable errand, the gas should have been hoarded for the tiller ( I guess ATV’s fell into their lap but only a single tiller was on hand ). Instead of waiting passively for attack, they should have gone on the offensive. And instead of living amongst takers and moochers they should have relocated to a better area, damn what their pussyfied Barbie Princesses wanted ( oh, we simply can’t move from our home. We SHANT!!!! Sure, it was off grid, but 12v ain’t that hard to move, even in this story as witnessed by another character lugging around hundreds of pounds of radio gear to the point of slowing down a bug out ).

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Here we are, living in a poorly defensible suburb, and simply waiting around for the DHS to attack them. No one wanted to move, no one attacked until the regular military air delivered strike vehicles, and no efforts were made to do anything other than try to keep the electronic lifestyle alive ( along with the petroleum lifestyle ). Great fun was made of the kids addicted to the Angry Bird game, but all the adults were equally addicted to their modern habits. One minor character was mortally wounded from a chainsaw accident ( you know, because Florida is just so darn cold! ), but no one else earned their comeuppance on relying on the old modern tools. Florida is a lot like Easter Island in a way. Some might escape by boat, but if the peninsula is blocked at the top it becomes an isolated island. Having way overpopulated itself, only the Everglades not being arsehole to elbow deep in retired Damn Yankees, ALL resources will be quickly depleted. Then you only have denuded soil and forests and a greatly diminished carrying capacity. Certainly, plenty of rural folk in the right circumstances will survive and thrive, but since most of the state is urbanized, most will see this dynamic. And those idiots driving ATV’s around instead of conserving fuel ( okay, ethanol fuel goes to crap quickly. At least use it before it goes bad to farm- one character leaves a producing farm to go to the suburbs rather than bringing his friends to him. And it had a tractor. Sorry the house is burned down, I guess it is just too cold to survive in Florida without a house and a fireplace in every room. I’m beating that dead horse no less than the author did, believe me ). Neither the main character nor the military nor any other macho man around even conceived of a life outside of running vehicles and prepackaged foods. They couldn’t be even a little cold. They were friggin Air Force Joystick Warriors. This doesn’t sound like the makings of a brave new world but of a future impoverished starving islanders rediscovered by sailors a few centuries hence.

END

26 comments:

  1. The Federal Report that tested automobiles noted that while cars would conk out during a simulated EMP event, that once the condition was removed, they would mostly (one in the truck tests did not) turn back on. The report mostly mentioned knocked out traffic signals as the vehicular issue. Later, this section of the report (it was an appendix detailing the testing) was removed.

    Solar Flares are much larger than the dubiously dangerous EMP. But the hold deal is that metal becomes an antenna for solar energy. It is easy to see why long power lines would have lots of issues, but why electronics, particularly electronics that are not even turned on are particularly susceptible is less clear. Except that that is what it said in Warday, and everyone just keeps copying it.

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    1. I haven't read that one in forever, but found a recent copy for almost nothing. Might need to read it again someday when the K-books dwindle ( I'm down to about a dozen to buy, two dozen unread on the device ).

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  2. I predict that in a true grid down situation, the people will go the way of the New Guinea Cargo Cults. But ours will be called The Never Empty Walmart Cult.

    Idaho Homesteader

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    1. Although Wally better do better stocking the shelves or they will lose that title which will still be known in a thousand years. Sam left a legacy alright, being blamed for the financialized consumer society.

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  3. Now thet thar were funny he he. Yet ever so realistic a description of 99.6 % of the population here lol. Probably at least 90% of the Prepper/Survivolist types too.
    Most of them that I meet here are like 50-100 lbs. over weight. Think that all our ills be caused by them LIBERALS for sure !
    But no worries cuz Jasus a gonna come save them...

    I'm going to save that fuel for cocktails and intruders ha ha

    So far as travel, well I'm right on the southern end of the St. Johns and it'sonly about a quarter mile from the place, with a canal leading right up to my door step. Think I'll just use the canoe or pole with the john boat. Can go north purt near two hundred miles on the water till I get to the ocean, tho I think Jacksonville ain't no place I'll be going to for a long, long time after SHTF.

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    1. Just bug out on the water, eating gators and shooting Yankees stuck in quicksand.

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    2. The secret is to stick to your comfort zone. Now me in a swamp with snakes and gators, dungaree wearing intellectuals plucking a banjo and squealing "SooooWeeee" and I'm well out my depth.
      Give me the upland open moorland, where you can see, smell and hear the bastards coming from miles away, any day of the week.

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    3. Bravo! My comfort zone is the desert. I might bitch about the cold, but then I bitch about everything. Why hold it in and have to go Postal?

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    4. I make myself comfortable no matter the zone.
      Had myself and wife all set up in the Idaho high desert and was very comfortable there.
      Traded that for a sailboat and the islands, quite comfy...
      Now it's a high ground island surrounded by swamps...
      Sooner or later I gotta make up me mind eh !

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    5. Next move, pestulent Yankee urban jungle

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  4. I agree with this review...totally.

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    1. I was kinda worried I laid it on too thick. Glad you liked.

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  5. Florida does get cold, got to 20 degrees the year I stayed down there. But I did it in a tent for the whole two weeks it stayed that way and survived it. It's the summers that kill most folks down there. I've lived in tents in a lot colder places and did fine once I got acclimatized. Most people think of power grids and vehicles going down during an EMP, but most do not realize even chain saws, tillers, and even weedeaters are electronic now. Diesels have as much electronics as gas engines now as well. Most ATV's and motorcycles are even fuel injected now. Best to get used to Amish styled living at best if something like that happens, if you can find the tools.

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    1. In the five years I lived in Florida it got below 32 ONE morning. Okay, I get that there will be cold spells lasting longer than that. But good Christ On A Ritz Cracker, only an ancient twat 99 years old could consider Florida and cold a life threatening danger.

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    2. Greatest threat here are the 10 million Yankees.
      No big deal tho, I gots me moat and gators lol
      Freezing is way, way, waaaaay down on the list heh

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    3. Unless the Ice Age starts, then I guess the laugh is on you not having a Cartritt Artic Coat.

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  6. Lord Bison of the Great Basin and King of Coiffure;

    While bashing Modern Florida in Apocalyptic Fiction is easy since the great snowbird migration of the 1980's continuing to the present. However one of the early great's of the genre is Alas Babylon by Pat Frank, Alas Babylon takes place in the fictional Florida town of Fort Repose based on Mount Dora, in Lake County near the site of some current great fiction, the Zimmerman trial. At least in Alas Babylon, Frank writes good fiction where the whities are spoiled Late-Fifties alcoholics and the blacks just emerged from Jim Crow, and know all about the old ways, thus being able to keep Fort Repose from going to complete hell. Needless to say that all Apocalyptic Fiction set in the state of Florida isn't complete crap, just the modern works, since 1990. Keep keeping it real James!

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    1. I really wouldn't say these two are crap books. They were good reads, entertaining and well enough written. Of course, they won't be Survivalist Literature, but we can't ask that of all post-apoc books. I'm not trying to sell these short by bitching so much about the characters situation, just trying to say "warning, don't try this at home". Fiction, Z trial. I like that.

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  7. Notice that no one is concerned about water, and possible dehydration? No one is dodging swarms of bloodthirsty mosquitoes? I guess that frigid sub-tropical climate does have its advantages(cough, cough).

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    1. Actually there was quite a bit about filtering water, rationing, sharing, etc. No mention of Satanic Minion Snakes chasing down and trying to kill every one. I KNOW that is what they do, especially in Florida now that they have boa's. Those boa's are the sneaky Asian Commie version of Satanic Servents.

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    2. Yeah. I flipped back and found out I was kinda zoning out during the "Suburban Superhero" sections and waking up only when Sarge and his boys blew things up. Since I paid for these things I guess I better go back and start at the beginning and get my money's worth. Though I should note that all of those empty pork & bean cans they have to be tossing into a garbage pile is going to attract 'possums and coons and rats and then comes the Asian Commie Slithering things(*grin*).

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    3. Skeeters are no problem. There are several native plants that have repellent in the leaves. Just gotta know which ones heh. How do ya think the Injuns made it through the swarms of skeeters...

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    4. Hell, just eat the heck out of garlic. Great for you, not for skeeters.

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    5. Ardmore- Perhaps they WANT to eat snake instead of rats or coons.

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    6. From experience - I'd prefer a good BBQ possum.Snake is for shit. You can quote me on that.

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    7. I'm sure one is tastier than the other. I was thinking of more pounds of meat.

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