Friday, May 10, 2013

beach cruiser diet no1

Sorry, all I could come up with today. Also, the other blog has a new K-book review.

THE BEACH CRUISER DIET

No1

 

Fat bitches get no respect.  More bounce to the ounce.  More cushion for the pushing.  Warmth in the winter, shade in the summer.  “Yo Mamma So Fat” jokes.  Now, a lot of being overweight is beyond their control.  Evolution and industrial diets conspire against them, as does the Oil Age.  If you are a cross hugger, you might hate the thought of evolution, but Darwin among others were quite the God fearing folk.  To them, it was all part of God’s plan, so friggin relax already.  Evolution had a bunch of Hunter Gatherers to work with for hundreds of thousands of years ( if not more ) and we still retain all of the body adoptions and cultural traits from that time.  Agriculture was ( well, is, but it could soon be “was” real quick if we manage to kill ourselves off ) a mere flash in the pan at ten thousand years.  Gaining weight was a survival trait, as the body gorged in times of plenty and had reserves to survive on in times of lean.  More than likely, the human race evolved in spasms, as catastrophic events such as asteroid impacts and whatnot wiped out most people and only spared those with slightly different traits ( we are all different, from metabolisms to disease resistance, so beware of any diet, even that from Michele Obama, that claims to be One Size Fits All ), a few breeding pairs at a time.  It wasn’t slow gradual changes but sudden, do or die selection of certain traits amongst the survivors.  Those that had fat surplus and could reduce their calorie intake to compensate for sudden animal die-off and solar radiation being blocked and killing off vegetation were the ones that passed on their genes.

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Another trait we’ve inherited is that of body fat not just to survive, but to breed.  If a female does not retain at least 20% body fat, she usually will not bring a fetus to term.  This ensures a healthy pregnancy as well as an adequately fed infant.  Next up we have the problem of genetically modified foods.  I don’t care where most people stand on the issue ( indifference if anything ).  To me, GMO’s are what killed off the bees ( but then, I also am convinced the government blew up the Twin Towers, so I could be full of crap ) and to some people it has screwed with their bodies.  If you look at all the Pear People ( all ass, no boob.  Or in the case of guys, massive man boobs and no ass ) out there, the Muffin Tops, people are coming in really weird sizes and shapes any more.  I’m blaming our not so natural food.  Some of you are lucky enough to be unaffected by this, and some of you are screwed.  Any exercise and or diet program you try could be sabotaged by the Frankenfood you are eating.

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And of course, living in an age of super abundance doesn’t help matters, does it?  You can walk down any commercial district street and be overawed with choices for food and most will contain gobs and oodles of fat.  Fat is of course a natural craving since it is such a calorie dense food.  You could chew your cud for hours on starchy foods, or get the same calories in a few minutes with fat.  Your body of course needs starchy foods, but all things being equal your body must work a lot less to get its calories if it has fat available.  And this is an age in which fat is so cheap anyone can have as much as they wish ( even if they don’t need it all ).  All told, you can’t escape all of evolutions effects, nor the effect of industrial agriculture on your diet, on most conventional diet advice.  If you don’t eat enough your body goes into starvation mode and you gain weight rather than lose it.  If you skip on the fat, which your body naturally graves as “easy” calories, you crave it so much your diet is doomed to fail.  Your better choice is to work with your body rather than against it.  Because, if you are female, you have yet another strike against you.  You must stay sexually attractive and it is almost required that you stay slender or in shape ( I don’t make the rules, girls.  Just reporting them ).  If there is the pressure to stay fit, you are much better off doing so the easy way rather than the harder.  And most diets today, being motive orientated and unnatural as far as evolution, are bound to fail.

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The diet you want is working with your body and not against it.  If, at the same time, the diet makes you healthier as it makes you skinnier ( or, a healthy chunky which is just as sexy if you retain a proportional figure ), so much the better.  And, if it does all this AND saves you money, what is not to like?  Good Christ on a cracker, I’m a friggin saint here, giving away the wisdom of the ages and asking almost nothing in return.  You will have to exercise, but it is an exercise that you, now in fat bitch mode, can start and survive.  It isn’t aerobics or jogging or any other activity that makes your heart want to explode as you labor to breath.  Unless you are the fattest fool on earth, worthy of an entry into the Guinness Book Of World Records, you should be able to start this diet with few health issues.  You can still eat your regular food, because in time the exercise will naturally moderate your appetite.   Sorry, that is a second downside.  Besides the exercise part, this is also a long term diet.  Not an overnight, instant kind of thing ( which never last because they are unnatural ).  Sorry, there are No Free Lunches ( which, looking at your fat ass, one would naturally assume because let’s be honest, how else could you can achieved Super Size Status? ).  But if you can exercise slightly, and have some patience, all else will fall into place.

END
NEW Bison Blog CD For Sale
I've got an actual professional to achieve and format all the old blog on a CD-ROM. It turned out really nice- much nicer to read than online. It does cost $5 plus shipping, figure another $4 or so, which might be a bit on the higher side. But I think I'm worth it. That isn't too much to ask for over five years of work and nearly two million words of pure brilliance. Here is the link to order:
http://kunaki.com/sales.asp?PID=PX00KX7Z1I
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15 comments:

  1. Evolution?? Not a single fossil has ever been found in the 'transitional' state. Think about that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Which is why I say there are sudden lurches to evolution, come mass extintion events. Not slow or steady.

      Delete
    2. Yep The finely follicaled one is right.
      Punctuated equilibrilum (aka relatively quick disasters with long streches of static little or no change) is the model for many things now- (duh, of course things change after major disasters) especially evolution and human history.
      Hundreds of species extinct mean hundreds of new ecological niches for creatures to move into, or out of.

      -Grey

      Delete
    3. I'll bet you people think it's easy being right all the time.

      Delete
  2. Nightshift here....random comment here but i went back to the old Bison Survival blog......it started back in 2006....guess who was commenting way back then? & years of loyal minionhood. Do I get a plaque or something?....LOL

    There is still greatness there. I would rather kill time reading that than most of the survival crap online today. I have been rereading it. Is that the same deal available for sale on hard copy? I need to get off my butt and order it.

    About the evolution comment, regardless if you believe in creation or the classic evolution theory, we have still evolved in the past several thousand years. Skinny folks die in famines and fat prone folks don't. I don't think Jim's intent was meant for fat monkeys.

    Not much else Jim. See you Monday.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No awards other than you move up the minion ladder. I really need to post the progression some day. You know, First Class, Order Of The Loyal Seal or what not. I can't imagine the insane cost of the Bison Blog in paper. Damn, the CD is expensive enough ( shipping costs ).

      Delete
  3. damn, must of got your tube cleaned again last night.Another great post. Tell your Mrs. to keep it up. You write better when you ain't such a whiny bitch! ha ha ha the rat

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I get as whiny as they come when I don't get some. More depressed to, so you'all better hope I never get too much sex or I might turn optimist.

      Delete
  4. Hello James.

    Just turned up your blog while going through some back posting on one of my old Collapse Forums.

    If you are interested in cross posting some of your articles on the Doomstead Diner, please contact me on the Diner in PM or via email at reverseengineer77 AT yahoo Dot com.

    RE
    http://doomsteaddiner.org

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Let me check your site out, I'll get back with you. If you haven't heard from me by Tuesday, harass me again as I might have forgotten. My brilliant mind is so cluttered with Big Thoughts I forget the mundane editorial duties ( or, I might just be so full of crap I have no room for more details ).

      Delete
  5. Quickest and easiest way to find free K-books at Amazon is to search "Apocalypse". Mostly zombie stuff but you find a few worthy ones.

    Out of Gas is currently free.

    Also Jim, you mind comments on your K-book side? Or you want to keep it all here?

    I got dibs on "Suck-up fan-boy, 1st class"

    Gil

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't mind comments there. Suck Up Fan Boy First Class( suf-boy 1 )is probably going to be a one man award, kind of like you only have one five star general.

      Delete
  6. Just got my treasurer's deed in the mail!!

    http://elkodaily.com/news/deeds-recorded-may/article_93c5220a-b9d2-11e2-88fe-0019bb2963f4.html

    9 years from now, it will be all mine!!! :) (Sailors and soldiers act)

    Gil

    ReplyDelete
  7. http://bisonsurvivalblog.blogspot.com/2006/12/camouflage.html

    Nightshift posted comments Dec 13 2006
    and often since then. He deserves a
    minion merit badge.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. For Vlad and Nightshift, the merit badge would be something like "Lurker".

      Delete