Thursday, April 25, 2013

ted gets ripped off


Before I talk about “Ted” the movie ( and yes, we are talking about something frivolous today instead of economics or how Seniors are out to screw us all ), I want to cover one of the biggest rip-offs I’ve had the misfortune to fall for in quite some time ( well, besides that stupid humpin green glow stick that recharges in sunlight- so bright you can see it in the dark!  You can’t see a damn thing one half inch away from it, but you can sure see the stick itself.  $11 flushed down the crapper on that one ).  I ordered the K-book “Obama Care For Beginners: your survival guide book to beating Obama Care”.  It was almost $6.  I figured, okay, let’s find out what little surprises they’ve hidden from us.  Ah, no.  This “book” and I use that term loosely because it was little more than a dog turd flattened on the highway, dried and had some ink smeared on it, was by far the worse excuse for a “report” I’ve seen since the 1980’s when I fell for a scam on fixing your credit card debt ( solution, a lower interest card!  This list of banks will give you credit at 18% instead of 19%!!!! ).  And I’ve bought a lot of dubious crap sight unseen from potential thief’s in low circulation publications ( today’s scams obvious have better graphics on the Internet ).


This book was, literally and I’m not exaggerating for once, 50% glossary and “history of health care here and abroad”.  The rest of it was just as advertised, the before and after effects of Obama Care on different classes of victims ( retired, business owners, students, etc. ).  But it was pretty useless as this information is already what we’ve seen in national magazines and newspapers.  You can get everything from Wikipedia that this turd report offers.  There was nothing covering how much we will pay for coverage, only the fines were discussed, and they only gave the maximums.  So, we STILL don’t know how much this Kenyan Kockbite’s tax is going to end up costing us.  I wouldn’t mind finding out, along with such things as what meds will be denied Seniors, and when, ‘cause I got a feeling I’ll be buying my parents some help with this whole thing ( while, of course, at the same time paying into Social Security of which I’ll never see [ oh, I’d take it, AND go eat $2.22 bacon and coffee, AND laugh in the face of my young indentured citizens to boot, but I seriously doubt SS will be around in 2028 which is about the time global oil supplies will be at 1930 levels- without the matching low population ] ) but this ain’t the book that is going to tell you.


The last movie I saw in the theatre was “Expendables II” which was simply awful, even if you grew up enjoying every actor who appeared there and their action movies.  I believe that was last fall.  I think it was even earlier that I had watched my last video, when I bought my own copy of “Animal House”( arguably one of the funniest friggin movies of all time ) last summer to celebrate my freedom from ex-wife payments.  You put an ungrateful bitch through school to be an airplane pilot, she ditches you for a fellow student, grabs the kids and you pay for her escape for 18 years- even years after the kids left the house.  I should have spent more celebrating, given all that, but I’m notoriously frugal as you might all be aware by now.  Buying a movie, instead of renting one for $1.30, is extravagance indeed.  Well, now that I’ve hooked up more solar panels I can start watching movies now and again.  I did put up the panels because I wanted to escape the cloudy day problem ( we use so little juice, with extra panels I’m recharged every day even with total overcast ), not because I wanted to watch movies.  Renting a movie usually involves the wife getting pissed so I try to minimize the whole thing ( she is visiting my parents for a few weeks to help out the old and feeble ).  Anyway, “Ted” was laugh out loud funny.  If you enjoy “Family Guy”, you’ll love Ted, a talking ( and cussing ), walking and pot smoking teddy bear.  To give one example, Ted is forced into looking for a job to support himself.  To try to sabotage the interview, he tells the manager he was busy being intimate with the guy’s wife. “No one has ever talked to me that way!”.  “That’s because their mouths were full of your wife’s box”.  “You’re hired”.  “Oh, hump!”.  Then, after getting caught humping one of the fellow clerks in the stockroom ( Ted has no penis, but evidently the fury friction is satisfying to most of the gals ), the manager once again confronts him.  That was nothing, says Ted.  Last week I was humping her on top of the produce which I then sold to a family with small children.  He gets promoted.


If you know of the director/writers other work, you know Seth is a complete wise-ass.  He makes this completely funny, then makes it into a message movie which itself is making fun of the message.  Ted’s owner/best friend is being pressured to grow up ( 35 and still burning a bowl daily, working a monkey spanker job ) by the girlfriend.  Ted symbolizes his inability to detach from childhood.  After all, if you own a teddy, who is your Thunder Buddy ( they hate thunder storms ), chances are you won’t buckle down, get a job you hate and allow a wife to lead you around by the privates ( ladies, we have ZERO problem being your field negro, signing over our paycheck to you and working twelve hours a day six days a week.  The issue is your lack of adequate compensation, only grudgingly delivered ).  In the end of course, Ted’s owner is allowed to keep his bear AND the girl. Hey, the world is ending already.  Go enjoy yourself, watch a movie that will cramp up your sides from laughter.


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1 comment:

  1. Ah,...I still have my teddy bear. His name is Teddy.

    Anyway, I don't buy any more "fun" real books since the Kindle.

    More free K-books!!! Following 2 are decent.

    Journals of the Damned
    The Peeling

    Heck, they even have IMPORTANT FREE survival K-Book stuff that is LOYAL BISON MINION related stuff like:

    Survive a catastrophe in suburbia without firearms!!!!
    Bug Out Bag Essentials!!!!
    Survival guide for Beginners!!!!

    Betcha y'all gonna check out that sans firearms one...