Friday, February 8, 2013

lock lube


LOCK LUBE

Okay, don’t get your hopes up today.  I only have a pathetic subject and I don’t know how long I can stretch it out.  I’m still feeling very under the weather.  I get sick about once a year, come the start of winter, and with all my exercise and mega-doses of Vitamin C and a “less stress than most” job, I seem to be able to get by with just an abbreviated form of whatever barnyard flu the feds have unleashed on the population ( perhaps tracking the spread to practice for the Spanish Flu +AIDS +Black Plague they are fixin to release ).  But this extra flu I just got is all out of my normal.  I haven’t felt this bad for quite some time.  Now, it is possible that the cause is very simple.  After three weeks of extreme low temps where I was outside for hours and hours a day, my pants started wearing very loose.  I must have burned off a lot of my body fat.  Perhaps that is why I got so sick as soon as The Crud blazed through the workplace.  Hell, I’m so sick my appetite is almost non-existent,  and that can only be adding to the problem.  Yesterday, I couldn’t even concentrate on writing.  Normally, after these years of practice, I sit down, quickly zone out the distractions, and then it is a state of near sub-conscious taking over and I can rip through an article no problem.  I mean, it isn’t painless.  Sometimes I lose the tread and flounder.  But it is pretty easy anymore.  And yesterday, I was writing completely nonsensical words.  Not just a bunch of misspellings, but words that had no business being there.  Today is no where as bad, but I’m still mentally humped.

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I’ve always had bad luck with padlock lubes.  The spray kind, the rip offs of WD-40, must have a heck of a lot more water in them than oil as they freeze a lock shut quicker than a new bride reinserting a chastity belt after the wedding.  Come summer, I can use regular motor oil and get good rust protection ( you wouldn’t think rust forms so quick here in the desert, but one look at a distant cloud and metal gets surface rust ) but in the winter it gums up and locks up your lock.  I even tried brake fluid ( I don’t have any ATF fluid, if that actually works ) but that froze just as bad.  Perhaps you all don’t care about padlocks freezing.  Perhaps it hardly ever freezes there where you are ( I can’t believe New York City is all up in the news again.  Oh Friggin God!  Not Twelve Inches Of Snow!!!  The Humanity! ) and you are a selfish bastard and don’t want to share in my personal problems.  But if this is a problem you can get behind, I might have a solution.  MIGHT.  Let’s see if any of you have some feedback on this.  If I’m full of crap, please excuse me.

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I broke down and went to Wal-Mart and bought some lock de-icer and lubricant.  Near about two damn dollars for that bad boy.  It was a small aerosol can about the size of a tube of Chapstick.  All together, it dosed six locks ( my bike, a buddies bike, and the four gate locks at work that go years between lubing and are always freezing to where I beat on them with hammers or pour boiling water over ) in healthy amounts before it ran out.  Now, it seemed to work great.  But, not only do I hate spray cans for long term storage ( I don’t trust them to work in ten years if needed ), you are paying a nickel for the contents and a $1.60 for the spray can.  And here’s the thing.  Looking at the ingredients ( I was wondering what was coating my skin after I sprayed ) you have “containing isopropanol and Carnation White Mineral Oil”.  Instantly, my remaining brain cells fired ( a miracle onto itself as this fever consumes my higher brain function exponentially ) and I remember a minion recommending mineral oil to soak ones disposable razor in to avoid micro-pitting rust which is what dulls the blades ( I haven’t tried it yet, but I definitely will ).  Could this be the very same mineral oil that is providing the lubricant in the lock?  Or is that the alcohol?  I would think the alcohol would evaporate ( I profess absolutely no knowledge of the hard sciences and can’t even grasp the moron simple basics ), right? 

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Perhaps you need to stock both bottles of alcohol, and mineral oil to get this to work.  But neither one is expensive if not in an aerosol can ( I’m so cheap/paranoid my post-apoc WD is in a metal gallon.  That should last a few generations if some dumbass doesn’t knock it over ).  And, by the way, when said minion recommended the mineral oil, I had no idea what it was.  It can be used as a stool softener, so look in the pharmaceutical section of any store ( I won’t embarrass myself by admitting I was looking in petrochemical oil sections at the home improvement store ).  Hey, don’t laugh.  I didn’t know “apex” either.  Wow, I’m surprised I got this subject stretched out so much.  Almost to the normal length.  How about we talk about that absurd situation in California ( are there any other kinds? ) where the authorities are claiming- With A Straight Face!!!- that an ex-cop went postal for no reason and just killed another cop WITH AN EVIL SEMI-AUTO RIFLE!!!!  Okay, pardon me, but the guy lost his cop job Five Years Ago!!!! First, any local cop that gets canned is a dumbass, cowboy, douchebag more often than not.  Just the kind of LEO’s the feds salivate over.  Second, really?  You think one can hold a grudge that long, and then suddenly snap oh about the same time that Asswhore Obammy is trying to ban semi’s?  Give me a friggin break.

END
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12 comments:

  1. Raw onion sandwiches help me a lot with any crud I may get. Just bread, butter and onions sliced as thick is you can stand. Powdered graphite works wonders on locks. Buying wd by the gallon is the only way to go, just use a spray bottle or brush to apply. The alcohol in the brew you mentioned is a carrier for the mineral oil that allows it in get in spots it normally would not.

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    Replies
    1. Damn, raw onion! I'd almost rather be sick. If I was a hermit I'd eat garlic all the time.

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  2. try a tabasco enema.

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  3. Greetings Lord Bison! There is a product called " lock ease" that comes in a squeeze bottle. It is a mix of solvent and graphite. You have to shake it frequently to keep the graphite mixed. It works great but can be messy, especially if you flood the lock. One bottle should be a lifetime supply.

    Bring on the reset

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  4. lol on the California story, even sick you make me laugh! And the mineral oil piece is a keeper. Will be getting some.

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  5. You can use mineral oil to preserve eggs also.

    http://preparednesspro.com/safely-preserving-eggs/

    Dennis in Iowa

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  6. In regards to the guy in CA, do a search for Dorner Manifesto. I think he was still appealing, etc. until recently. Interestingly enough, after claiming that the ballistic protection the cops won't stop the rounds from his rifle he exclaims that the Joe Biden is great and that no civilian should have access to "assault weapons".

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  7. Lord Bison of the Great Basin;

    Me thinks I'm dealing with the same crud that you and many others are also dealing with. This is absolutely terrible, couple that with the crazy weather and this makes for a situation that could prove disastrous if this was a combat situation. On lock lubrication; since I've lived in the far north for many years, my co-workers and I would either use fish oil (beware it smells something fierce) or we would heat the lock with a blow torch on low heat while holding the key in the palm of the hand in a coat pocket so when the lock would warm up the key would roughly be at the same temp thus causing the lock to slip and deactivate. Keep keeping it real James!

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  8. I was ready for TSHTF except for Peak Amno. I don't have enough so I can't train others in my family for what is coming. I have not bought LEE loaders yet, Me screwed. I am going to sell some cool semi auto's for the big $$$$$ and buy food. My pit of doom gets dug this summer or will that be to late ...... shit is happening fast. What other 'Peak' I can't see is coming?

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  9. I use that stuff about 3x a year to get into the car door. A can a year seems to be sufficient.

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  10. for the padlocks, try getting them totally dry and then use graphite. comes in a little tube with what looks like a needle applicator on the end. Auto shops carry it. squirt that in to the workings and run the key around in it several times. should keep it from stiffening up too much.

    works for me usually.

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  11. I concur with the powdered graphite. If...it has never been lubed with oil ! Otherwise when you apply the graphite it will just turn into a nice black sludge. Might I suggest douching it out with a solvent which leaves no residue then apply the graphite. It is the oil and water which is absorbed by the oil which freezes your locks.
    WD40 is not really an oil, it is a solvent which leaves a temporary oil like film which after a short period dissipates into the air. It was originally designed to displace water in mechanisms hence the name Water Displacement, formula #40

    ReplyDelete