Thursday, January 24, 2013

carl


CARL

There was a commercial on TV for GEICO insurance company.  GEICO, which I had no idea was the Government Employee Insurance Company ( until its commercial told me so ), seems to be in competition with most other insurers’ to spend the most money on advertising.  One imagines that they can’t wait, economically survival wise, for the lucrative Mandatory Tax We Call Insurance Even Though You Can’t Even See A Friggin Doctor Until You Pony Up An Additional 100% In Fees And If You Try To Opt Out Like In Social Security We Will Send Jack Booted Thugs To Your Door To Liquidate Your Ass to go through and bail them out ( one imagines both that AIG “paying back the taxpayer” is just like the money schemes dreamed up by Government Motors to pretend to be solvent and that when the FedGov did bail out AIG they quickly discovered that their derivatives bets gone wrong were vastly more than the whole GDP so none of the other insurance companies got a dime which really pissed them off ).  So they are all furiously spending money trying to get more people to insure with them so they can be the last man standing.  With natural disasters taking down cities faster than Blackwater can confiscate the guns in New Orleans, the insurers are in big trouble ( a double whammy, bets gone bad and Mother Nature doubling down on them ).

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Which probably explains why we have the cute Flo commercials for Allstate ( I believe that’s the one ), and the deadpan professor type for Farmers ( a distant third in originality or cleverness ) and the lizard for GEICO.  When your CEO bonus is on the line you tend to get desperate and actually do a good job for once.  Not running the company, oh certainly not something as difficult as that, but hiring the right agency to put out commercials that might actually sway customers to keep you going a bit longer ( for what it is worth, I’d think long and hard about six month insurance payments.  If the monthly option doesn’t penalize you too much, you might consider that when the company goes bankrupt, you lose the money you already paid in to them ).  The TV networks of course love this, since THEIR ass desperately needs bailing out.  Notice how the shows are going this year?  Take a month or three off from any new episodes, make a big deal about “ALL NEW” coming up in X amount of time, show one or two new ones and go back to showing reruns.  I’d be surprised if most shows, even or especially the most popular ones, even have fifteen new episodes a year ( from the Old School normal of half a year, or 26 ).  Obviously this is a vicious death spiral, and thankfully the insurance company still has customers money to piss away so the networks buy another season before their bankruptcy.

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Anywho, GEICO was showing one commercial with two antelope or whatever the equivalent in Africa is wearing night vision goggles ( sure to be appealing to the Yuppie Survivalists who can spend three grand to “own the night!” while wearing sexy skin tight junk hugging blank Ninja combat uniforms ) and taunting the lion.  “Carl, we can totally see you.  Give it up, dude”.  It was a pretty damn funny commercial ( granted, the bar was set pretty low there, with about one fifth the Superbowl commercial actually being worth half a crap and that is as good as it gets ).  So, as me and the guy at a donation stop yuck it up every morning, we get to calling each other Carl whenever we have done something embarrassing.  So “Carl” has become shorthand for being stupid and oblivious.  And usually, not even realizing it.  Because they were being so dumbass, it was embarrassing for both them and for us.  As you can imagine, Obammy gets a lot of “Carl’s”.  So, a hundred years from now, when a moron is named “Carl” and nobody can figure out why, or where the slang came from, I’m taking full credit right now.  Today’s Carl is the military announcing the inclusion of females into front line combat roles.

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I really can’t get over how embarrassing this is for our military and our country.  Not only is the lack of common sense quite pronounced, the total ignorance of history plain, it clearly sends a message to our enemies what total and complete Carl’s we are.  If you’ve managed to piss off the whole world for generations ( and don’t flatter yourself, the guy on top is always everybody’s enemy, never their friend- if they call you their friend it just means you are currently bribing them ), you really want to be especially careful how much you broadcast your vulnerabilities to them.  To me, this sends out a loud and clear “I’m a complete moronic pussy”.  I imagine Putin is lifting a shot of vodka high in the air saluting us.  Thank you, Obammy The Oaf ( don’t get me started on how badly that putz damaged our global reputation ), now we have clear evidence that your country is so weak and pathetic you must get women to protect you.  Russia, or more correctly when Russia was Soviet, you might remember used women in combat but later discontinued the practice ( the Soviets were avid female rights advocates but it had nothing to do with emancipation and everything to do with controlling the upbringing of children ).  As did Israel.  And we think we can do it correctly?  Our country isn’t in danger of being overrun like theirs was. 

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I don’t know why we are doing this.  Are too few males, feminized over generations, enlisting in the military?  Is it simply Political Correctness gone ape crap crazy?  Are we trying to sterilize a generation by shoving them into the uranium dust storms?  I have no idea.  But I can almost guarantee that other rulers just marked us for extinction ( needing time of course, as we’ll weaken ourselves a lot more and quickly ).  You don’t get your baby bearers to protect you.  That is not a viable empire.

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4 comments:

  1. I read an opinion that the female officers are behind this idea since they can't make general without combat.. Or some such.

    -DSM

    ReplyDelete
  2. There are a few Israeli women that I wouldn't want to fuck with. And they ain't ugly either. Just plain bad ass. Some women, note the word "some", can do the job running with the dogs. Granted not many, but there are some.-SemperFido

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  3. hang in there carl. jmd of the formerly fine hair aint hatin. hope your middle name aint murphy. delr
    ps he actually don't care how us minnions feel.

    ReplyDelete