Wednesday, January 9, 2013

bankers TP

BANKERS TP
Ah, minions.  Ya gotta love em. 
you don't need toilet paper so give it up now. after peak oil kicks in there will be no toilet paper. get used to it now. toilet paper is a want, not a need. think of all the money you will save. -dakin the clown on 3PC2 defending yourself in phase one
Now, this would normally not be worth my time as it clearly is an illogical emotional response to my comments about the whore Roosevelt in the above article.  When I referred to that Blue Blood East Coaster Banker Elite Whore, disparaging his manhood by implying polio had shrunk his already small wanker, I clearly upset the minion.  His hero had been attacked ( kind of like when I attack The First Negro, The First Muslim, The First Kenyan, every swinging dingus’ socialist bitch boy in the White House ) and he lashed out.  OOOhhh, Jim is mean clown, an evil clown.  Or perhaps it was because I reminded him that Peak Oil had already occurred, but since he gets all his “news” from Glen Beck, who I swear on a stack of bibles actually had the large swollen elephantitis  balls to claim that fracking would give the US a thousand years of oil and gas ( I guess Glen has joined the fascists in his Homeland worship as he now expects Amerika to be the next Thousand Year Reich ), he gets all butt hurt when I remind him the free lunch is over and can’t continue. 
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But the reason I thought his troll spew was so funny is that two weeks ago I read the booklet ( a small book, about the size of my very own treasured Apocalypse Gun Porn which is now for sale for a mere dollar and you should rush over to the right of this page and click on the link to it and buy three copies each ) “Poverty Prepping” by Susan Gregorson which recommended just that, doing away with toilet paper.  The book was not too bad at all, even if we are on a bit different pages as far as survivalism ( she is a bit “doomer lite”, no need to panic, all the time in the world ).  I bought the paper version for $6 and despite the small size and there being no information I found pertinent, I still felt I got my monies worth and that the author was not an ass ( that is praise, by the way ).  The Kindle version is half that cost.  I believe she is better known for survival fiction, by the way.  Anyway, the author assumes you have pretty close to zero nickels to rub together and one way to get your ten or twenty bucks a week to prep with is to transition to cloth toilet paper.  Not something I’d recommend, because if you can’t afford sixty cents a week for TP you ain’t living frugal enough.  But not bad advice.  You’d be all set for the Apocalypse.  If it is one thing, besides cannibals and no Internet most of us fear about the collapse, it is wiping our ass with birch bark.
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So you see, I’m not the one recommending doing away with TP.  Take that, troll!  Ha!  In your face!  Now don’t you feel like a turdbag?  And, please.  Really?  You take what I say, deny the bankers their $1200 a month on a mortgage, and equate that with spending sixty cents a week per person as being a needless luxury?  I’m not claiming you should live in a tent, or eat out of a dumpster or wipe your ass with dirt.  I’m saying you can be just as comfortable living in a modern dwelling, even if it doesn’t come with a mortgage.  Hell, I KNOW living in a travel trailer sucks in all but mild weather.  I’ve lived that nightmare.  But the sacrifice did allow me to tell the central bank to shove it up their asses ( and all while still using store bought TP ).  You might have just been trying to funny, but all in vain.  You?  You no funny.
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Okay, enough of that.  Let’s talk about the decline of food quality ( hidden food cost increases ).  There is already talk of coffee beans being substituted from Columbian or Arabica to some other kind.  One presumes the kind grown next to a sewage lagoon in an Amazonian swamp.  But I’m not too worried about that.  We went back to using the perk coffeepot since most days that propane serves double duty while making the mostest delicious coffee in the whole wide world AND heating the Bison Pit Of Doom.  I can use the $5.29 coffee from Wally ( the blue can, not the foul putrid “Great Value” white can which should actually go under the brand “Gross Vomit” ) and get a great tasting cuppa.  No, I’m now talking about Fake Fudge.  All year long I wait for fudge from the store bakeries.  Between fruit cake and fudge, the holidays are almost bearable.  Alas, neither came through this year.  The fruit cake was okay, I got one from the wife for Christmas.  But nobody was donating any fudge ( I was waiting for one to “fall off the truck” so I could get one at a discounted price ).  Then, two days ago a box came in.  But it wasn’t real fudge.  It was fake.  Fake as Obammy’s birth certificate.  What is fudge, basically?  Sugar and cream and chocolate.  This one was made from hydrogenated oil and corn syrup and artificial flavors.  I never thought I’d see the day anyone had the stones to try to pass off fake fudge ( although, I also never thought I’d see the day that Jim Morrison and The Doors went mainstream in grocery store background music ).  What the hell is the world coming to?  Fake TP, okay.  I can dig cloth napkins and cloth diapers so cloth TP isn’t all that much of a stretch.  It is environmentally sound and removes one more tentacle of corporate America out of your life.  But fudge should never be so debased and humiliated.
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5 comments:

  1. you don't need fudge. you want fudge.

    fudge is a want.

    after peak oil there will be no fudge.

    get used to it now an do without.

    you can save money and pack your own fudge.

    -dakin the clown

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OK, that one WAS damn funny. I left myself open to it and didn't even realize. Good on you. Cheers!

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  2. Ever heard the term Shit, Shower then shave ?
    Just use the water pressure ta clean yourself up after taking a dump. Then soap and water to sanitize. No rag or TP required.
    Now I do realize that here in Floriduh this is much easier to accomplish than where you are and water being a premium. Therefore just use that weed sprayer filled with water, save the TP for those sudden gotta goes out in the beyond lol
    After all the TP ain't gonna last forever and nobuddy likes stinky ass. Specially ifn it's hers and ur head is hint...down there...

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  3. After the US Dollar hits the crapper all it will be good for is wiping your backside. Problem solved!

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  4. Jim Poverty Prepping” by Susan Gregorson is also her biog site.Its worth the look. shes a homesteader and her writing reflects it.Buck up when you post an artical that is spot on you will always geat trolls.here is a site for free kindle books i check daily lots of doomer porn and other stuff http://www.pamspriderecommendations.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete