Thursday, December 6, 2012

commie moms

Okay, I think I might have gotten a bit too serious the last week or so, screaming until I spit blood that we are all going to die.  Of course, in my defense I’ve been sick with the seasonal crud for two weeks so the first week of feeling like a steaming corn encrusted wet and warm dog turd on a cold tin roof I still managed to pull rays of sunshine out of my butt and it wasn’t until the next week I descended into paranoia and fear.  But be that as it may, I figured I’d take a break from reminding you the die-off was coming any friggin day now and I’d relax and have some fun.  Why your mother was a communist, and if I have more words to slop on your screen to make my quota I’ll find something else to blather on about.  Now, I love me mum, as I’m sure you all love your mothers.  Well, it turns out ALL our mothers are Gott-Damn communists.  And it is okay to love commies, so don’t get all defensive and think I’m bad mouthing the woman who carried your sorry pathetic ass for nine months.  Your mother, bless her for trying, was wildly misinformed about many things.  Such as vegetables.  A few raw veggies in a salad is a great thing ( assuming one can disguise it suitably with animal products such as cheese, cold cuts and dairy based dressing ).  They are full of enzymes and in theory ( coming from depleted soil if not grown in your back yard ) vitamins.  And of course, potatoes are one of natures veggie successes in that you get calories AND vitamins rather than just your standard vegetable which is a water gourd chock full of putrid tasting vitamins ( AND, it has a bland taste, another plus, unlike broccoli which tastes of unwashed demon testicles ) . 
But mom seemed to think that you need a half plate full of veggies two times a day.  It’s a friggin supplement, it shouldn’t be the basis of a diet.  Don’t get me started on veggies.  Now, your mom isn’t a commie just because she is trying to poison you with foul swill and calling it nutritious ( and if anyone needs confirmation that this misguided misinformed practice is evil, check out what the sea cow Michele Obammy is trying to force feed down our kids gullets ).  Think about the whole concept of sharing.  And Indian Giving.  Mom wants the kids to share.  Share your toy, be a good boy.  And what do commies say?  Let us share your wealth, be a good citizen.  You either own something or you don’t.  If you own your house, how can the government take it without a fight?  You don’t own the house.  You never owned your toys, and you won’t ever own anything, not even your body, since the commies tell you what to do with it.  And when Mom gave you that toy, what did she say?  Here, a present for you.  This is your toy.  Then, when resources got scarce and she couldn’t get your sibling their own toy, she changed the rules and made you share.  A broken promise, just like the Indians got on their land.
Okay, I think I milked that one for all its worth.  I’d like to mention the poet William Blake.  Generally regarded as a lunatic within his own life, his book sold something like thirty copies in twenty years.  He was never recognized in his own time.  Of course, fifty years after his death a biology on him made that author a good chunk of change.  Just like life, you do all the work and some schlub comes along later and cashes in.  I kind of feel like the William Blake of the prepper movement.   The only difference is that in fifty years you will all be dead and no one will profit off my nuggets of pure wisdom.  Suckers!
Wow, I’m really not getting into the groove today subject wise.  I’ll just babble.  I tried to get in to Create Space and publish but the humping thing just kept me in a loop asking for a password even though I was logged in as I was trying to publish or even contact someone for help.  So I did what any reasonable impatient person would do and said Screw It!  I’m going to give Kindle another shot even though I have mixed feelings about it.  Hell, I despise Wal-Wart as a lover scorned but I still buy a few things there.  As much as I’d love to make a statement by boycotting them I still need some of their low priced goods.  I’m content just to go from 100% of my shopping budget there to the newer 20% or so.  And, being truthful, the Kindle screw up could have been my own fault.  If I inadvertently deleted the notification e-mail that the formatting was bad, it might have had nothing to do with censorship at all ( I just find it weird that I sold the book for four or five months before it disappeared ). 
I tried to publish the $3k Homesteading book and we’ll see how it goes.  I’m just one article away from the Apocalypse Gun Porn book being completed ( well, and a few chapters have to be finished by about ten percent ).  I obviously want to get paid for my writing, I always have, but there is also a big part of publishing being the ego boost of a large number of readers ( putting out free writing is one way to do it, but the blog-osphere has so overdone that it is hard for any reader to wade through the flood of free, let along trying to get folks to agree that pay per view is warranted ).  I want Kindle to expand my reader numbers.  I won’t count on getting rich, but I’d sure like to spread the word of my brilliance.  As I said, we’ll see how it goes.  I’ll keep you posted as available.
NEW Bison Blog CD For Sale
I've got an actual professional to achieve and format all the old blog on a CD-ROM.   It turned out really nice- much nicer to read than online. It does cost $10 plus shipping, figure another $4 or so, which might be a bit on the higher side.  But I think I'm worth it.  My cut will be about $5.  That isn't too much to ask for over five years of work and nearly two million words of pure brilliance.  Here is the link to order:
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  1. Hey Jim,how is the pit working for you. Is it holding temp as you wanted or has it become the room the wife banishs you to when shes sick of your company?I know the winter has been kinda mild but was just wondering.

    1. As far as I can tell the temp is holding just fine. On one period of teens low, 31 high over several days mostly cloudy the low inside was 40. I'm sure if I was in there cooking it would be a smidge higher, but I'll take 40 to survive in. It is kind of hard to be sure, cold periods this year are short lived. And, I haven't furnished it yet. I finished the stairs and kind of lost interest, being tired of it all ( my smashed thumb still healing ). I'll pick it back up one day, make it a nice place. Wife doesn't want to stay down there, as the temps haven't been bad enough, but one day she will.

  2. Can anyone bring me up to speed? I have missed a bunch of the past lectures.
    Why is jim lost his love of walmart?
    Why is jim renting a car? What hapened to the chevy?
    Has timmy rescued the dog from the well?
    Will victor return to return to marry susan or is he now madly in love with sharon?

  3. Jim about the pit. How far down in the ground before you hit the hard-pan? The hard rock-like layer in the ground.

    Ano 601:

    Jim hates Walmart now, since they treat him like his ex-ex-ex wife did. And their bikes are junk.

    Jim sold the chevy to the Zeta gang for body disposal. They used to leave bodies in high dollar vehicles but with the bad economy, everyone is cutting back. Jim used the proceeds to purchase an AR-15. Jim is now saving to buy a magazine and bullets.

    There is no wells/water in the high desert. Timmy found the dog in a brothel.

    Susan and Sharon got married. Victor is now a bitter, twisted, new minion of Jim.

  4. Man! The druid really crashed and burned this week. After last week's good blog, this week he's talking about "Grass roots politicking"! WTF!

    In the future, I'm going to have to remember my left hand is for wiping, my right for eating (if I live that long) and the druid want's to discuss having town hall meetings...

    I would bitch about it there, except my bitter, twisted post might get lost amongst the posts of people wondering if same-sex marriage will survive the end times, and what do the Spanish people call Spanish.

    Plus the druid was a dick towards a Lord Jim's minion. BLOG WAR!!! BLOG WAR!!!!

  5. Somewhere between the Droood Dude's slow motion roll down the stairs and Cousin Jim's we're falling off the cliff and all going to die tomorrow is where we are all going to end up. As I said to the wife a little while ago, "Economic collapse, civil war, and WW3. At least things are not going to be boring!" -SemperFido