Tuesday, November 6, 2012

the talk

Once again, “the talk”.  How to get your spouse to embrace prepping, or as the smart and witty minions call it, The Dark Side.  Okay, I might be the only one, but I think we can all agree, even those insufferably pricks out there who like to use Trolls as their secret persona, that I’m pretty damn smart and witty.  I bring this up for two reasons ( and no, one of them isn’t “I’m out of original ideas” since that boat sailed long ago ).  One, that book “299 Days” is still bouncing around the inside of my head and I keep flashing back to the main character who keeps telling himself that he is “Da Man” and must protect his family, yet continues to puss up and sneak prep money because his Bitch Trophy Wife ( BTW- not the common “by the way” but the secret meaning “bitch trophy wife” ) totally has a kitten every time he brings up the obvious fact that We Are All Going To Die And Must Prep NOW!!!!  Two, since every gay blade limp wrist fag boy Yuppie Yankee Scum is in the process of trying to convince us that a few puddles of water and some breezes constitute a “super storm” ( wait until the humps get real natural disasters like a tsunami when an earthquake lets a wet fart off the Atlantic ), prepping, or the “horse is out of the barn” 20/20 hindsight reporting, is now all up in the news and you’d better strike while the iron is hot, like today before the news goes over to covering Angry Suntanned Youth rioting when “their boy” ain’t crowned Head Negro For Life. 
Now, while I’ve made a lifestyle out of continuously getting married, or failing that substituting going in and out of a relationship with the same gal, and I might have a few insights on females to share, you must beware that I am far from certain on any of my observations when it comes to females.  Human nature is easy, I can usually figure that out, but when it comes it gender influences I’m always confused by bitches.  So, when in the course of this article I make a statement on their behavior, please beware I’m giving it my best guess and am no where near 100% certain.  Okay, fems have no monopoly on wanting to deny that the end is nigh.  Ninety some odd percent of the population is the same,  and since fems only make up about 52% of the country that obviously means plenty of guys have Head Firmly Up Ass.  Nor do females have a monopoly on fighting for relationship domination.  Because in a lot of cases, they aren’t fighting you over the possibility of the apocalypse but rather over things such as how the budget is decided.  They might kinda sorta maybe think a few preps are good, but they don’t want to let you decide how the money will be spent.  I think in that case, either gender would ignore preps just they  could control their future security ( no, paper currency is zero security long term, but the short term is where is still retains major significance ).
Also, females have it just as hard with this whole Women’s Lib thing.  Sure, we resent them because we have ceded control of kids and marriage and our money and our future and our jobs. But on their side of the coin, they are almost being forced to embrace a duel gender role they most likely don’t want and possibly can’t handle.  Women get along on consensus, and today you don’t join the group by embracing old fashion, male domination.  Women were not meant to be protectors.  Sure, today in our Oil Age they can be Providers, since for now securing life’s necessities don’t need muscles or testosterone, but there is one other very important reason they can’t assume the role of Protector.  Besides upper body strength or propensity towards violence, the main problem is biology.  Women still need to devote nine months to procreation, whereas men need devote, at most, nine minutes.  Very few men are needed to continue the species, but it still takes one woman per child.  It is all about sperm verses eggs.  Eggs are dear, sperm is in surplus.  You can, species survival wise, afford to throw away the lives of men in battle.  But not women.  So I think, even if they don’t realize why, women know instinctively that men are the protectors.  If you insist on stepping back into this role, I don’t think all that many women would fight it beyond a certain point ( relating to women is like being a diplomat negotiating with other countries.  You can’t come right out and say what you mean, you must dress it up.  The other party MUST have a graceful way out.  With gals, it is all about presentation and the illusion of consensus ).  They will fight you on it, but you will prevail if you do it right ( of course, no guarantees, proceed at your own risk ).  
I leave it to you to figure out how to word it, but present it something like this, perhaps.  “Babe, Schnookie-Bear, Love Muffin, Love Of My Life, I love you and the kids more than anything.  I’d give my life for you.  And I really think things are going to hell in a handbasket on a rocketship.  Fast.  I need to have the means to prepare for hard times.  Blah, blah.”  Then give her, diplomatically of course, the ultimatum that you do this with her help or without it.  You have to layer this on really thick, because you are giving her a way to save face.  Don’t just say “do it or get out”.  That is just 100% dig in your heels.  But she also has to know that you can do it even living somewhere else and paying child support.  But don’t give her the option of choosing “whatever we can afford” because that is a recipe for zero.  Set a concrete amount, set in a time frame, and then don’t ruin it by buying expensive toys.  Just the bare bones necessities.  Man up.  It doesn’t matter if you want to make her happy, or making a nice marriage, or staying with the kids.  It is about saving them, not about making yourself happy.  You can’t do spit with wishful thinking and business as usual, so be prepared to end the marriage to save your wives ( and the kids ) life. 


  1. Jim, fer the luva gawd please just stop with trying to give advice regarding wimmin. It is like Obummer trying to give advice on how to follow a budget.-SemperFido

  2. Hey Doctor James! How many times you been married?
    Stop telling us how to deal with women. How about not getting married and just shacking up and pulling the Hail Mary if the bitch gets pregnant?
    Have been married once (high school sweatheart) what a fool I was, all she wanted was money for clothes and and other to impress her friends.
    She did'nt care about prepping or being ready even for an earthquake. (So Cal)
    Have lived with 14 women in the last 25 years, never presented a ring but found most wanted that legal contract to take half of every thing I owned including my preps even though only 4 pretened to go along with prepping.
    Dr. James, Preach only what you know! NO WEDDING! NO RING! NO CONTRACT THAT GIVES HER ANY THING!
    Thank you, MAD DOG 94

  3. What will be the fair trade worth of a BTW after the apocalypse? Would blondes be worth more than brunettes? Shoud I stock pile the women or their equivalent ?