Thursday, November 1, 2012

super morons guide to storm preps

SUPER MORONS GUIDE TO STORM PREPS
I understand that more than likely you were all waiting with baited breath for the latest installment of Apocalypse Gun Porn ( sure to be the next biggest non-hit ), but I got a bug crawling up my butt after being inspired by American Energy Crisis blogspot and his list of cheap storm preps.  So I’ll postpone that installment and guide the super morons ( taking after the idiot extraordinaires who dubbed a few extra puddles of rain and a mild breeze a “super storm” ) down the path to prepping for the next time your power fails and you can’t run your generator 24/7. 
When this guy does chime in, it usually bears listening to ( he’s been one of my go to guys for Peak oil meets economics ) .  The only thing I don’t approve of is his enthusiasm for kerosene.  Yes, children are horrid, horrid little monsters who will always endanger your preps.  Either by dropping a dime on you in class as the teacher asks for any suspicious anti-government activities such as gun ownership or free speech, or by telling their classmates about your cases of MRE’s so that Little Johnnies daddy, a former Hell’s Angel, will be sure to pay you a visit with a Molotov cocktail and a butcher knife come crunch time, or by, in this example, using your flashlight batteries for running the GameBoy or whatever electronics they can find.  While a stout birch rod is a perfect answer to this kind of foolishness, I understand that as satisfying as laying into the Old Lady and her spawn would be, for both disobeying your dictates and a lack of respect, it isn’t quite feasible in today’s political climate.
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His answer to the kids pilfering is to always have kerosene lamps ready.  My answer is to just lock up your damn flashlights and their batteries.  You don’t necessarily have to use part of the gun safe.  I understand that you can’t spare any room, since you are using the limp wristed 9mm and to compensate for its disadvantages you need to stockpile extra mags and ten times the ammo ( I’d just guess off the top of my head that you need about ten hits of 9mm to one of 357 or 45.  And if you say “shot placement”, then why do you need a twenty round magazine? ).  So, no room there for batteries ( besides which, if the wife has the combo she is going to steal the batteries for her vibrator ).  Just install a clasp and lock on a steel file cabinet.  You have to stumble around in the dark to find the kerosene lamp, right?  Just go stumbling for the LED flashlights/lamps.  So, that takes care of light.  For cooking, Wal-Mart has $25 double burner propane camping stoves.  I don’t trust much from Wally, but I’ve used the same camp stove for almost five years multiple times a day, with zero problems ( which is more than I can say about the crappy Little Buddy heaters which are designed to fail on you ).
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I like the suggestion for canning.  If you are not much into prepping, you should use a freezer ( and a few grocery store canned meats ).  Come grid down, have a big BBQ for the neighbors.  They think you’ve used up all your food, and you’ve wasted no food.  Neither have you resorted to using a generator, a damn fools disaster tool.  If you are seriously into prepping, don’t have a stand alone freezer at all but can your meats on a regular basis.  This assures you don’t need a freezer, it pre-cooks your meat for a time when there is less fuel, and it means you don’t need to do anything last minute.  Just use the refrigerator freezer for short term meat storage ( waiting for the next canning batch ).  Use your camping propane stove for canning outdoors during the summer, so it doubles as a regular and a disaster tool. 
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I understand that hurricanes are a warm weather disaster, but you should always be ready for the juice to stop ( such as during an ice storm ).  For supplemental heat, a rocket stove.  From as simple as a coffee can turned upside down ( a door cut into the side bottom, the top middle cut out with three small rocks around the hole to hold the pan ) to an expensive commercial unit with a battery powered fan, a rocket stove is the way to go.  To supplement your supplemental heater, everyone gets a down comforter ( $50 and up on Amazon ) and a couple of wool blankets.  This can be emergency use, plus in normal times you can crank that thermostat dial way down.  Everyone stays comfy at night and you more than pay for these, perhaps even on the first energy bill.  Hot water is your camping stove.  Boil water, dump into a bleach bottle with two holes in the cap and use as a camping shower.  Food is your canned meats, and a pantry full of long term storage carbs such as rice ( minute rice is preferable for disaster preps.  Regular rice for civilization collapse prep foods ) and oatmeal and pancake mix and pasta.  All in all, the only extra cost ( since most of these save you money or are just a substitute for other items- the canning unit instead of the freezer- there is almost zero cost to storm prepping ) would be for LED lanterns and flashlights and batteries.  Since I would imagine everyone  automatically stores a flashlight at home, being just one of those things everyone in their right mind does, for all intents and purposes storm prepping costs you about nothing extra.  I don’t know why anybody skips on it.  Well, of course, I also can’t imagine anyone being stupid enough to re-elect Clinton or Obammy, so I guess I’m the wrong person to ask.
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4 comments:

  1. Knocking the 9mm again? Why do 9mm have 20 round mags? Why does a dog lick his balls?

    You never go target shooting. You can't hit the broad side of a barn Dakin.

    C'mon loyal morons, everybody give their 2 cents worth. Share your superior knowledge morons.

    General Zaragoza

    ReplyDelete
  2. General Zaragoza is a hero to the Mexican people because he defeated Napoleon 3 with an army that was half the size of his opponent.
    He died at age 33 of typhus. An amazing man who accomplished much in a brief life.
    How's that for superior knowledge fucktard? -SemperFido

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not impressed. You forgot the Cinco de Mayo part.

      And you call me a fucktard? General Zaragoza is the reason that Cinco de Mayo is celebrated.

      Did you sit behind Dakin in Special Ed class?

      General Zaragoza

      Delete
    2. HEY!!! Is he the guy that is shooting spitballs at the back of my head? I might be Special Ed, but at least I'm still special.

      Delete