Tuesday, October 2, 2012

viking manliness

VIKING MANLINESS
Ah, to love all that is manly and evokes the image of marauding Vikings, manly men who drank mead ( this being way before the bee disappearances ), sailed and then rowed up rivers to smite the weak and unmanly and reseed the local women to get a Darwinist selection breeding program going on.  This was back when men were men and sheep were nervous. 
Not many folks, even those who voluntarily surrendered their testicles to the PC Police, oppose the concept of the Vikings as one tough group of manly men.  Scrawny chested office cubiclers dream of one day being Vikings ( with the advent of smokeless powder, anyone could now be a mighty warrior, from African twelve year olds to Patty Hearst ) and most women dream of fathering their children.  In the face of massive danger, almost as daring as aforementioned Vikings, aware all too much how I might now be vilified as a racist,  allow me to advance the theory that the Vikings are not so much popular because they were one tough bunch of kick-ass sword swingers, but that they also were pretty much all most of us can point to as the one example of Tough White Boys.  Sure, there were others such as Irish Freedom Fighters ( or terrorist, per your point of view ) or Scots.  But while they sounded cool and could kick ass, they were pretty limited in their campaign of terror.  If you left them alone they pretty much returned the favor.  The Vikings, on the other hand, took the terror to you.  They were offensive, in other words.
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In football, of course everyone talks up defense.  But I think everyone has a soft part of their hearts held for those mean bastards that go all postal on an offensive blitz ( I hate football with a passion, by the way ).  We all cheer on Dirty Harry, who wasn’t some passive little pussy politician cop but went totally offensive ( do you feel lucky, punk? ).  No manly man seriously gave too much grief to Bush for kicking Iraqi ass.  Sure, they were an easy target and not too much of a challenge, but at least we went offensive and took the oil before we ourselves ran out.  I think we admire the offense so much it will be a wonder if we actually volunteer to contract our military back to the lower 48 prior to it being forced on us ( if we did this, it would be a huge economic and resource hit, but in the long run we could consolidate and protect.  If we wait too long we might lose control of Das Homeland ). 
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Vikings are a good example of warrior evolution.  War is of course a means of survival ( two tribes, food for one, the victor eats and the strong survive ).  But nature didn’t provide us with an on/off switch for our violence.  It stays with us, unless bred out through selective means.  We need to fight even when our lives are not at risk of resource depletion.  The majority of folks just pick on a nearby tribe, to keep the warrior skills honed.  This keeps you in practice, plus gets you the pick of the ladies whose bosoms quiver at your daring martial deeds.  It also has the side benefit of keeping your tribe from degenerating into a bunch of banjo playing retards due to inbreeding.  You go steal a bride or two in a raiding party, bringing fresh DNA into the gene pool.  Sure, it sucks to be the gal devolved into forced breeding stock, but then consider the alternative ( they kill your husband and abandon you  to starve in the cold ).  Anyway, my point is that the Vikings weren’t just a bunch of neighborhood hoodlums steeling a cow or bride every once in awhile after they got liquored up.  Even the Mongols were content to steal from each other in their own little quarter.  They were only forced into foreign conquest by a prolonged drought.  The Vikings, they made a lifestyle out of long distance pillage and conquest.  To them, it was all fun and games.  Find an unexploited northern clime area suitable in some way to colonize, then kill the locals and move in and take over.  It wasn’t just a feud with neighbors.  It wasn’t war out of necessity.  It was war for the sake of war since it was so much fun.  I think this is why they were so feared then and revered now.  They were offensive.
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War takes resources, and war is a gamble.  Most people go out of their way to avoid war as a constant lifestyle.  We might go kick ass, take the prize and go home and retire to enjoy the booty.  Even pirates wanted to retire.  But Vikings just wanted to kick ass.  And not just a safe kicking of ass, but by undergoing a dangerous search and destroy mission on a constant basis.  Or, to refer back to last weeks article, they were a society of psychopaths like Bunny in “Platoon”.  We admire them because they went the extra mile.  And they weren’t a group of mindless lemmings like Persian armies fighting for the greater good of a king.  They were pretty individualistic.  I imagine that is another reason we love them so.   Before, we had been just like them ( Daniel Boon, the Alamo, trappers, wagons to California, fighting for states rights ).  Recently, they are an aspiration to dreams past ( we are now so urbanized and feminized that we are LONG past the time we were rugged individuals ).  A worthy goal, because Vikings didn’t write tomes dime store psychoanalyzing their victims.  Viking dudes killed the weak and paid homage to a future Darwin.  And made no apologies for it.  Good on them.
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2 comments:

  1. Kensington runestone?

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  2. Spartans - blond hair, blue eyes - think Dorian invasion
    Macadonians- blond hair, blue eyes, as above
    Teutonic knights - latter day cousines to Vikings
    Various groups stated as being Celts (Picts, Galatians, etc.) the original screaming, blue painted, naked savages

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