Thursday, October 25, 2012

pomegranate boy

POMEGRANATE BOY
Okay, so the other day I’m walking through the produce section going to the bakery to get a donation for the Food Bank, and lo and behold there is a large cardboard display for pomegranates.  I think of pomegranates as the divine apology for watermelons.  A watermelon is a huge pain in the ass to eat.  You can’t just dig in and start wolfing it down but must chew cautiously in case you inadvertently bite into one of the two thousand friggin seeds in there.  And “seedless” are almost as bad, there still being seeds just not as huge and nasty.  A pomegranate is just as much of a pain to eat, but rather than nibbling a small amount of fruit around a ton of seeds, you instead can enjoy the fruit around each seed, then dispose of the seed.  The watermelon you need to FIRST remove seeds.  Sure, this is a subtle distinction,  but I think an important one.  A watermelon is really not much fun other than spitting the seeds, a pomegranate is delicious in spite of the seeds.  Anyway, I haven’t had a pomegranate since I was a kid, mainly because they are so expensive.  And it really is only a fruit you can eat out of doors on a lazy summer afternoon.  Since I now work most summer afternoons, eating that fruit just fell by the wayside.  Evidently, my take is shared by many, because some genius at a fruit company decided to start marketing pomegranates to Yuppie Scum Soccer Moms or they weren’t going to sell enough.
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The display shows an extremely well groomed young lad happily slurping up pomegranate seeds.  With a spoon!!!  Notice the exclamation marks.  With a spoon.  A pomegranate is something you rip the skin off of and then dig your face into, slurping up the seeds, sucking off the juice and then drooling and shooting out the seeds.  This is why you go outdoors.  They are messy.  Not only are they delicious this way, they are marginally fun.  It is a Mom approved occasion to make a huge mess.  My mom, and as much as I love her I can’t claim she wasn’t a bit tightly wound, merely made sure we had on “chore” clothes and let us loose, I imagine making a moment to enjoy the solitude, finally away from our snot smeared faces constantly demanding to know “what can we do now?  I’m bored” in a rhythmic chant.   Leave it to today’s Yuppie moms to squander such an opportunity to relax, instead turning the whole thing into something else to stress about.  You dumb ass bitch, you want to clean a red stain off everything?  But perhaps I’m being too harsh.  Perhaps Little Yuppie Scum Sam is so totally trained he won’t make a mess.  The kid in the picture looked like he was not only enjoying the fruit, but also the opportunity to eat it with that spoon, and near orgasmic delight to be eating it in a prim and dignified manner. 
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I’ve known kids like this.  They don’t enjoy themselves or treat life as a happy adventure as much as act with decorum, as little adults who have shoved a broomstick up their asses.  Do these kids grow up to be someone you want to be buddies with?  I can’t imagine.  Picture his mom.  She probably exercises constantly but still has a huge ass.  She is constantly swabbing public equipment with antibiotic wipes, scrubbing her hands with sanitizer, and she is always sick.  She only buys organic, and has medical issues.  She is a constant need of being humped, just so she relaxes a little, but treats sex as both unsanitary and unnecessary outside procreation.  In short, this bitch is a friggin mess.  And she is trying to turn her kid into a junior version of herself.  Does the kid eat pizza with a fork and knife?  I look at a picture of a kid with a gleam in his eye because he gets to eat fruit with a spoon, and I see a future fag, who is a hypochondriac, and probably tortures cats and molests Boy Scouts.  Even if that doesn’t happen, he is certainly going to have other issues. 
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Last weekend I read the post-apocalypse novel “Dark Grid” by David Waldron.  Normally, I would say that this book was pretty feeble and only marginally readable, as it had issues itself ( not as bad as the pomegranate boy, don’t get me wrong ), but there was something about it that made it all worthwhile.  I would normally have been vomiting blood after so many pages of military worship ( the guy was really creating a vacuum with his lips around the National Guard characters asses ), but the author did something that made me forgive all that.  He included plenty of Big Picture discussions.  If you are like me and enjoy pretending you can figure out the complicated interwoven aspects of events ( and especially post-apocalypse events ) as they influence and change each other, if you look at life as a chess game in three dimensions, you should enjoy this book.  I liked it enough that I already ordered the sequel.
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Another book you might be interested in is “The Western Front” by Archer Garrett.  He can be found at:
( the book was e-book only until recently ).  I read the first of three parts and I enjoyed it.  Again, not perfect, it had issues, but it also was that kind of story that stuck in your mind, and you ended up forgiving the flaws.  Next week I’ll be ordering the paper version of the entire book, and I’ll get back with you once I’ve read the whole thing ( warning- militia porn, not post-apocalypse ).
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4 comments:

  1. HEY DAKIN YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO EAT A WATERMELON?

    LOL!!! THANKS FOR THE LAUGH.

    OK GO FOR IT MINIONS. DEFEND DUMBO. I'M STILL LAUGHING!

    WOW! RANTING ABOUT A DISPLAY. I WISH I HAD YOUR PROBLEMS. THOSE DAMN YUPPY KIDS BLAH BLAH BLAH...

    OH WELL SOME FOLKS GET WORKED UP OVER A DISPLAY OTHER IDIOTS GET WORKED UP OVER CAPS LOCK

    STILL LAUGHING

    MR BROWN

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Still think you need to get out of momma's basement every now and then. -SemperFido

      Delete
  2. Brownie;

    If you don't like Lord Bison and what he has to write, then don't visit the site, and maintain your sanity, you'll do us all a favor.

    ReplyDelete