Monday, July 9, 2012

the crap stick

THE CRAP STICK
Herein the follow up adventures of my cheap travel trailer acquisition project.  As I was bragging about none too shamelessly, I had the luck of the Irish and got not one but two very cheap trailers in one week, following a four year search ( I actually would have found one sooner but back then my finances allowed about three hundred max but recently I could go higher.  Back then, even the sagging weather ravaged cab-overs were selling for too much ).   And when I say luck of the Irish I mean in the full sense of getting the crap end of the stick.  The poor bastards have been on the sharp edge of British colonialism for centuries and can’t catch a break.  After experiencing birth and death rates akin to Africa ( not that there would be any connection to the two, certainly not, boyo ) and the diseases to match ( climatically adjusted of course ) they finally thought they had it easy and had a bunch of friendly software companies invest in their little corner of the globe.  Things were good for a few years and the silly twats thought that the good times were here to stay and so they joined the global musical chairs/hot potato game and enrolled in the real estate bubble.  They are now indentured to the central banks in perpetuity.  Everybody gets all worked up when the cradle of western democracy gets humped, but nobody ever gave a stray thought to the Emerald Isle and its humped inhabitants.  Poor pukes.
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Okay, so Saturday, pouring sweat from most pores, I doused the brain puddled carpet ( remember, the cheap price was because this trailer was suicided in ) in bleach and cut up the carpet.  Well, I hacked up the carpet, forgetting to place a fresh blade in the cutting knife.  Not a huge deal, the fluid hadn’t soaked past the first layer of carpet into the underlying pad.  After looking at how gross the mattress was, I gave up all thought of using any fabric left in the trailer and so used the blankets to scrub the stains up.  I threw those away and ended up with a human fluid free floor ( at least at that end of the trailer ).  Then I started ripping off all the plastic sheeting from all the vents and windows.  Although opaque, they had really made the place dingy.  And as soon as I had more light in the interior, I made a discovery far more disturbing than what I had just cleaned up.
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The previous occupant had of course been off grid.  His solution to the lack of water and a septic tank was to crap into the toilet and then SHOVE IT DOWN WITH A STICK!!!!!  Gross out factor maxed at a ten!  I almost added a pile of vomit to the mess after I found this out.  Now, I have several problems with this, aside from the sanitation.  First, what the hell was this guy thinking?  Did he not realize that eventually the tank was going to get full?  Even if he mostly stayed in town and only occasionally used it, it can’t last forever.  I don’t think he used it for urination, as there is less odor than would be usual.  And even with drying/shrinkage, you still have a built in holding capacity.  Secondly, the crap stick itself.  Could you not put the crap end in a trash container?  A used coffee can, a used food can, something?  There were little dots of dried crap all over the floor where the crap stick was propped up.  What a humping pig!  Oh, you can be sure I’m speaking ill of the dead.  What a moron!  Our original plan had been to move in to the smaller trailer, being easier to heat.  Now, it reverts back to strictly storage unless I can overcome my “ick” factor. 
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If I do try to clean up this God awful mess, I’m thinking I’d remove the plastic toilet and throw it away.  Frame off the hole down into the holding tank and screw down a lid ( I think perhaps throwing a bag of lime down into the hole [ anyone know where they are sold? ] ) and let a the next unfortunate inhabitants find this little treasure ( or, far future archeologists can dig it up from the sand and marvel at how the users even cleaned out the thing ).  It might be great for stashing gold or illicit handguns, but I can’t see myself going that far.  Now, the good news here is that I’m absolved from bad luck.  I had been worried that I was having too good of luck and might be forced to pay for it with a turn towards unfortunate circumstances, but now I don’t have to sweat it.  While still worth the money, the trailer was not a gift from a benevolent deity but rather from a Merry Prankster.  As far as the cab-over for $100,  that was never more than someone else’s junk I was helping them remove.  Again, still worth the money but certainly not something I’d owe from the Good Luck side of the ledger ( while recognizing that Luck is a superstition, I still am afraid and humbled by it ).  I still need to roof over that bad boy but I’m in no hurry.  The books I put inside of it are all covered in plastic.
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On to the B-POD.  The Bison Pit Of Doom is scheduled to start this coming weekend.   I was holding out for $1500 to two grand before I built it, but after my son called for money ( to come visit, well worth the cost ) and the recent never ending Death By A thousand Cuts medical expenses for the wife I’ve given up on building a pimping shelter and am just going minimalist.  By staying at eight by eight and insulating the outside walls but not the inside, I can keep the costs down to about a grand.  This will be the wife’s escape from both boiling hot and freezing cold.  I do care for her comfort, I was just trying to stay frugal until the pit cost was saved up.  In the long run, it will be far better than installing swamp coolers or what not ( comfort wise, as well as financially ).  Wish me and my inexpertise in carpentry good luck.
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1 comment:

  1. I picked up a bag of lime at the tractor supply company store. Stores in 40 states! None in Nevada, Utah, Idaho...

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