Wednesday, March 21, 2012

taco hell

TACO HELL
You would think that I could do the same as hundreds of millions of other God Fearing and Red Blooded Americans ( Goferba’s ) and just watch the commercials they  produce ( interrupted by a few minutes of programming ) and accept my consumer brainwashing  and shut up about it.  But I won’t.  I insist on highlighting the commercials I find particularly irritating.  Is it too much to ask for a smidge of thought to go into commercials hawking dish soap or automobiles?  Good Gravy, they spend millions, you would think that these idiots would put a product out that actually worked.  If a commercial was memorable you would assume the customer would associate the message with the product in a favorable light.  Example.  You go to the chip isle and see 90% Frito-Lay products.  You want to save a little bit of cash so you consider a generic product.  But as you pass the red bags of Dorito’s, you can’t help but recall those recent commercials where the dog has kidnapped and killed the cat, then bribes the owner with chips to keep quiet about it.  Now, I’m not a huge dog fan ( last night on Mike & Molly, “he’s christening my throw rug with his sphincter” ) and I really love cats, and still I thought this commercial was funny as hell.  Those folks protesting it was sending the wrong message really need to lighten up and get laid.  Another example was that car commercial with the birds trying to dive bomb the car ( the voice was Cliff from “Cheers” ).  Have you ever seen another car commercial that was as funny?  Car commercials are boring as hell.  You are trying g to sell a product worth a years salary to folks and you can’t think of a good ad to sell it ( granted, I can’t remember the car name from that commercial, but they only ran it for the Super Bowl ).
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So, what the heck is this all about with the Taco Bell commercials?  Are they trying to get us to stay away from the place?  The sister restaurant ( or it was a sister, I can’t remember if they sold them off separately ) KFC has commercials that let you know about sales coming up ( KFC is the Macy’s of the food world.  They mark up their food five hundred percent, then slash the price 200% and call it a sale ).  At those are useful.  But Taco Hell has had crappy commercials forever.  Granted, I was spoiled in the mid nineties with the little dog “ yo quierro Taco Bell?”.  Now that was a great set of commercials.  But some asswhore puke politically correct asshating bastards objected  to them, citing racial insensitivity.  So they caved and stopped making them and ever since Taco Bell commercials have sucked. 
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Okay, bad commercials are normal.  But commercials that go out of their way to irritate me merit special scorn.  Like when JC Penney started their “fair and square” campaign and had the series of screaming idiots.  But I let that one slide.  It was over quickly.  But Taco Bell is going out of their way to piss me off.  First it was all those really stupid sports themed commercials.  Then it was the “open late night” types where they were selling a 99 cent burrito ( the one with the really hot corn chips in it ).  The basic message was, spend a buck in gas to come buy our 99 cent burrito, and do it often.  Okay, that was bad enough.  If you drove across town two times a day to buy a burrito loaded with genetically modified corn sprinkled with MSG, and burned a quarter gallon of gas to do so in an illusionary cost savings, you were stupid enough financially that a special Darwin Award should be dedicated to you so that in the near future as you are living under a bridge in a cardboard box you have a trophy to fondle and grasp ( I could-a been a contender! ).  That one just underlined how idiotic most folks can act.  But this new commercial!  This one takes the cake.  Some jerk off drives 965 miles to buy the new taco that has a nacho Dorito shell.  Him and his car load full of ner’-do-wells.  You spend $100 in gas to go eat a new taco, currently unavailable in your area.  What does this tell us? 
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People are creatures of impulse, unable to delay gratification.  They must have the newest product regardless of cost ( I’m going with the message the commercial is giving.  I don’t think everyone is this way ).  Gasoline is going to last forever, and there is no problem with wasting it to buy what amounts to junk food snacks.  Pollution from an internal combustion engine is not an issue.  Generate as much as you please.  In fact, the stuff is probably great for the tomatoes we grow three thousand miles away and ship to the store.  If you and your friends hang around, smoke pot, get the munchies and then drive several states away to buy the newest Taco Hell product, you and your economic demographic will surely provide all the sales we need to stay in business.  Now, pardon me for being an insensitive ass, but isn’t this like all those McDonalds commercials that cater to the African American consumer?  They make up 15% of the population.  You think this will generate enough customers to save your plummeting profits?  Idiots.  Am I the only one that didn’t go to college to learn how to be a learned moron? 
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4 comments:

  1. The only recent Taco Bell commericial I half liked was that Volcano Burrito commercial - CHANGES A MAN - that got me to chuckling, I'll bet the gas after effects really 'blows some sand'. Other than that one - pretty lame, at least that friggin purse dog got shit canned, and well deservedly imo.

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    1. The most disgusting commercial to date is the white man sitting beside a black man who was eating Dorito's chips suddenly grabbed the black man's hand and sucked his fingers.

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  2. Taco Bell, Pizza Hut, Kentucky Fried Chicken,Long John Silvers and A & W Root Beer are all part of the huge conglomerate YUM Foods. The largest fast food consortium in the world.A new KFC opens in China everyday! It turns out them little Chinese fellows like original recipe. Multinational corporations are the real threat! AgraFoods will soon market soylent green! It's the beginning of the end I tell ya!

    the rat

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  3. I still have one of those plush chihuahua dolls they used to give away.

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