Friday, March 9, 2012

last will

LAST WILL
A guest article posted Saturday.
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I was going to title it Last will And Testament, but “Testament” was a John Gresham novel and I didn’t want you getting any ideas about buying that book new, hence giving the author royalties, hence rewarding an anti-gunner ( as a minion pointed out, the author didn’t like how the studios hijacked his book and made it into anti-gun [ I can’t remember the movie now, it was about the evil gun industry ] but he still took his thirty pieces of silver, so hump him ).  I actually liked the aforementioned book, but I only buy the books used so yet another celebrity whore isn’t rewarded financially on my dime.  Anyway, today we’ll talk about what you are going to will the wife after you die during the Apocalypse.  I’m sure some FemiNazi bitch will foam at the mouth and get all butt hurt and declare how fems are 100% equal and can take care of themselves, but hopefully all my loyal minions will add those types to their “hanging from lamppost” list alongside lawyers, politicians and central bankers ( and if I’ve got a few of you in the Carolina area I’d appreciate it if you added wife #2 ).  But please be advised that such a list is ONLY to be implemented after the collapse of the United States as a political entity so whereby you are not breaking any laws.  And, to pad this article further, I would like to mention listening to Dr. Jenkovich ( spelling unknown- she is on NPR every morning ) who pretty much validated all my positions of bitches and sex ( since we were talking of FemiNazi’s ) in her program aired 3-8-12.  She was all polite about it and tried not to offend anyone, but in essence she was trying to explain to wives that  he was mean and moody because he wasn’t getting sex, so for her to withhold sex until he was nice and attentive and one presumes romantic was an exercise in futility.  As soon as she got humping, the husbands attitude would improve to the point the wife wanted in the first place.  To paraphrase, “it only takes a few minutes and is a happy pill for the relationship”.  She also mentioned evolution wiring guys to need orgasm.  I wish I had an online link to the article, this is something 99% of wives need to hear.  Perhaps as it comes from a female shrink they might actually listen.
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I would suggest that most of the time our survival preps are orientated to ourselves serving as the mighty warrior protector of our families.  Nothing wrong with that of course.  But are we taking into account the fact that we might die pretty quick and leave the wife with worthless tools?  The wife can’t fire a Mossin-Nagant.  It is too heavy and the recoil too severe ( you might try an insert firing a AK round- that might work if she is built like a Eastern European Olympic weight lifter ).  If you are relying on wood heat, is she going to be able to chop wood?  If you have wheat, can she manually turn a Corona corn mill?  Or do you need to hook it up to a stationary bike ( I’m pretty sure there are information sites describing how to do this without buying a $450 machine- Google “pedal powered grain grinder” )?  Leg muscles should always be used instead of upper body muscles- both genders- as it is far more efficient.  Is your “bad times” skill set one only you can perform ( blacksmith ), or does she have one?  Do you see what I’m getting at?  Guys are going to go into the firing line to protect their loved ones, novels such as “Die’s The Fire” notwithstanding.  They will die first, with the exception of child birth casualties.
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You need to build your arsenal and pantry and energy needs around the abilities of the wife.  Otherwise, you are in effect saying, “I hope the bitch is good looking enough to be worthy of becoming a sex slave rather than being raped and killed after the battle”.  The weapons need to be low recoil and light, the heat for winter should be passive solar and the skills should be low muscle level.  I like herbal gardener myself.  The greenhouse can supplement winter heat ( attached south facing ), and the herbs make one an instant post apoc healer.  You can start learning it now, and very cheaply.  Okay, a few more examples.  Solar panels rather than wind power ( eliminate the need to be a mechanic 100 feet up ), deep bed companion planting farming rather than tilling with oxen, a rotating drum for human compost rather than relying on turning over the matter by shovel.  I’m sure you can think of plenty of others.
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Now, at first I was thinking, get a good friend that you trust as a future husband in waiting.  But that is full of hazards, like he might ensure you have an accident sooner rather than later ( especially if she is stacked ).  And you can’t give the wife extra supplies and have her move in with the couple next door.  Nothing but problems as the two former friends develop sexual jealousy.   Nor can she have a dowry of extra food because that is a way of getting a really poor future husband.  Not that all those aren’t necessarily a back up plan, just that they are poor choices.  This is merely a starting off point for something to ponder.  I’m assuming you liked her enough to marry her, try to keep her alive as long as possible.
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The Official Bison Web Site www.bisonpress.com
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My e-mail is jimd303@netzero.com
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Anyone can submit a guest article.  No minimum word length, no writing skill necessary ( just get the idea across ).  You retain copyright ( this must be your original writing ) and I’ll just use the once.  I’ve yet to turn down an article, just don’t use the N Bomb or libel another that can sue me.  Send by e-mail ( please, label as “guest article” so I can find it easily later ).  Payment will be your removal from my enemies list.
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By the by, all my writing is copyrighted.  For the obtuse out there.

4 comments:

  1. It's me again,you're friend,Ben Dover.

    This is a pefect exampel of why your a looser.

    You're loner in the bunker mentality is flawed.

    A loner with a boner will die alone.

    change o topic:

    word verificaton sucks,nobody comments cause it's a pain in the ass when you have to type that shit in THREE times.

    You need a group to survive,family,friends.

    If you had friends you wouldn't have to woory about it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I would like the bicycle idea for powering grain mills better if it were more low tech. For a Corona Grain mill, all you have to do is duct tape or tie a broom stick or other long stick to the handle. It gives plenty of extra leverage for weaker people (due to age or sex or injury or sickness or whatever). It may take more time to grind grain, but it's easier to set up and maintain than a bicycle contraption and the grinding, although slower, isn't going to take that much extra time. Solar produced electricity, as you point out, is far simpler to setup and maintain than a windmill.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks for ruining my collapse plans, Jim! I had already considered the firearm issue. (I went with 20 ga over 12 ga for the wife and kids sake) But, I had never considered that she may not be able to swing the axe or pull the saw to get wood for the fire. Now I'm gonna have to work even harder to get things ready for her once I'm stew pot filler.

    -Novice

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  4. “The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.”

    W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)

    :D

    ReplyDelete